A Butterfly in China 

By Nicknoc 
nicknoc@hotmail.com 


Classification:   MSR, X-file (I guess)
Rating:           NC-17 (although not all parts)
Archive:          Ephemeral, Gossamer, Xemplary, Blue Velvet, ANYWHERE!
Disclaimer:       Of course they're not mine.
Spoilers:         Not really
Feedback:         Yes please!  nicknoc@hotmail.com
Summary: Scully and Mulder are confronted with the biggest shock of
their lives....themselves.

http://members.xoom.com/nicknoc/

NOTES:  This is not a WIP, but I thought I would post it over a week, so
as not to inundate everyone's inboxes. I will post two parts at once,
which means it should be fully posted in 5 days (providing real life
doesn't keep me away from my computer!)

Thanks to Amanda for her *tireless* and incredibly prompt beta reading
and wonderful suggestions.  Thanks to Barb and Audrey for suggestions on
plot problems, and thanks also to Piper for beta reading and her
encouragement.




Georgetown Memorial Hospital
Washington DC
1.00am

Scully fought to get her breathing under control.  Her heart was
racing.  She and Mulder were pressed against a shelf in the medical
supplies storage room of Georgetown Memorial Hospital.

It was 1.00am and the hospital was quiet, particularly in this unused
wing.  The official line was that staffing cuts had required the wing to
be closed.  Scully and Mulder suspected that in fact the closure of the
wing had nothing to do with staffing cuts.

They had received a tip from an unknown source that fertilization
experiments were being performed in the hospital involving "government
sourced" ovum.  At first Scully had refused to believe the information.
This was Washington's most well respected hospital, especially in the
area of pediatrics and infertility.

Further information provided by the mysterious source, however, had
convinced both she and Mulder to investigate the matter more fully.

Scully's stomach clenched a little at a memory of Emily and her
harrowing death.  She would do anything to stop those kinds of
experiments from being performed again, even at the risk of her career.
Mulder and she were undertaking this investigation on personal time,
without official sanction.  They had tacitly agreed not to mention the
information they had received to Skinner.  If they managed to acquire
proof of illegal experiments,  *then* they would place it before the
Bureau.

The sounds of the traffic on the busy road outside reminded Scully that
there were *normal* people doing *normal* things outside.

"Scully," whispered Mulder. "I think we're safe.  C'mon, our informant
said the experiments were being conducted in an empty lab at the end of
this wing."

He tentatively opened the door and quickly glanced down the corridor to
check if it was empty before taking off.  Scully briefly checked the
corridor again before running after him.

Mulder stopped at the first door and pulled out the copy of the master
key that Scully had acquired from the Security Guard. He grinned at her
briefly and she smiled back.  Sometimes being pretty had its advantages;
the Security
Guard had been only too willing late the other night to help out a
student nurse in distress who had left a vital chart *somewhere* in the
storage room. She had quickly made a mould of his master key for later
use and returned the original to him with a dazzling smile.

Mulder opened the door and peered in through the dark.  "Nothing," he
whispered.  Not bothering to lock the door again, he moved on to the
next room.  Again, there was nothing behind the door other than dusty
benches and unused furniture.

"Mulder, let's try the rooms at the end of the corridor.  Didn't he say
the lab was at the end of the wing?" She grabbed the key out of his hand
impatiently and proceeded to the end of the corridor.

The first room she tried revealed nothing, but the second room looked
used.  She looked into Mulder's eyes apprehensively, and he nodded.

"Let's go."

They entered the room carefully, looking around to see if there was
anyone there.  When they were sure the room was empty they began
rummaging through the cabinets.

"Scully," whispered Mulder urgently, pulling out a folder.  "Women's
names, and lists of dates.  Experiment dates?  Fertilization dates?"

Scully began rifling through the files.  She was looking for her own
name.  It wasn't in that draw. Frustrated she moved on to the next
cabinet, and that's when she saw it.

"Mulder," she yelled.  "A bomb!  Get out of here!"

"Shit!" Mulder ran towards the bomb and Scully lunged forward to grab
him back.

"No Mulder, look at the timer!  There's no time!"

They had 35 seconds to get out.

Together they rushed out into the corridor.  Scully turned to run back
the way they came, but Mulder grabbed her.

"Scully, there's not enough time!  This way - out the window!"

He ran the short distance to the end of the corridor and looked around
frantically for something to break the window.  Spying a fire
extinguisher, he picked it up and threw it against the window.  It
shattered.  Turning, he grabbed Scully by the waist and helped push her
out.  Then he hoisted himself up onto the frame, oblivious of the shards
of glass cutting his hands, and tumbled out behind her.

They both ran.

<SMASH>

The noise of glass and brick shattering was deafening.

Scully found herself being lifted up into the air and she had just
enough time to glimpse Mulder being flung upwards before everything went
black.

*****

Scully rose to consciousness to find herself being lifted onto a
stretcher.  She could see the flashing of ambulance and police lights
all around.  She tried to raise herself up, but a sudden bolt of pain
made her rethink that move.

"Mulder," she whispered to the person hovering over her. "My friend,
where is he?"

"He's okay," she was reassured by an ambulance officer.  "We're taking
him to the hospital in another ambulance.  Just try to relax."

She closed her eyes again in relief.  He was okay.  She could feel the
blackness closing in again and she surrendered to it.  She didn't hear a
second ambulance officer say to the first in surprise, "Hey hang on - I
just treated her.  She was fine - she just had some cuts!  What's going
on?"




Georgetown Memorial Hospital
10.30am


Mulder winced.

His head was throbbing, and even behind his eyelids the light was too
bright. He opened his mouth to speak, but it was too dry to croak any
words out.

"Good morning," came a cheerful voice.  "Here, let me get you some
water."  The nurse lifted a glass of water to Mulder's lips and he
sipped at it gratefully.  When he had moistened his mouth he whispered
hoarsely, "Scully, is she okay?"

"She's doing fine.  The Doctor suspected she may have had concussion,
and kept her in overnight as a precaution. But she's fine and she should
be ready to leave today.  You've been out all night, but apart from a
nasty bump on your head you're also okay. Frankly, the doctor is a bit
surprised about how unscathed you both are.  You were apparently very
close to the blast - you're lucky to be alive."

Mulder settled back onto his pillows. Thank God Scully was okay. He
pieced together what had happened.  They had found very little before
she saw the bomb. He remembered helping her out of the window and then
following her.  After that things got fuzzy.  He lifted his hand to his
head.  Jeez, that was some bump. He grimaced.  Another job well done, he
thought sarcastically; another job with them ending up in hospital.

"When can I go?" he asked the nurse.

"When the doctor decides you can go," replied the nurse.  "In the
meantime,  if you're good, I'll bring you some of our lovely hospital
breakfast."

Mulder smiled begrudgingly.  A nurse with a sense of humor.  Great.

*****

Mulder smiled at Scully as she approached him in the hospital foyer.

"Hey there," he said affectionately. "You don't look so bad for someone
who's just been blown up."

Scully gave him the once over and smirked. "Wish I could say the same
for you G-Man.  Nice bump."

They signed the paperwork, and left to find a cab.

"Thank God they couldn't get hold of my Mom," sighed Scully as they
walked out onto the street. "I don't think she needs to know about this
latest escapade." She turned to Mulder. "We were very lucky, y'know,"
she said softly.

"I know," he confirmed,  leaning over to brush her cheek lightly with
his lips.  "I'm glad you're okay."

She smiled,  and for a moment she looked into his eyes,  checking that
he really was okay. The doctor in her almost couldn't resist running her
fingers through his hair to check for more bumps.  However, she
refrained, and instead satisfied herself with a quick glance at his
horrendous bump, before he noticed a free cab and directed her to it.

When they were inside he asked, "Should we go get your car, or get out
of these clothes first?  I'm a mess."

"Why don't we go back to your place, you can get changed and then drive
me back to my car. Actually I think I have some jeans and a shirt at
your place.  I'll get into those."

"Sounds like a plan," said Mulder, and he leaned forward to give the
driver his address.

During the trip Mulder couldn't help but gaze at Scully as she stared
unseeingly out the window. Okay,  sometimes he *did* gaze at Scully.
She looked paler than usual, and he knew she was troubled by what had
happened.

He was also troubled.  They had been set up,  he was sure of it.  The
thought sent a shiver down his spine.  An attempt on his own life he
could handle.  An attempt on Scully's made his stomach churn.  Once
again, he had been too close to losing her.

He sighed and ran his hands over his face, then winced as he
accidentally touched the lump on his forehead.  At least she had no real
injuries.  He looked over at her again, and had to tamp down a sudden
impulse to reach over and gather her protectively in his arms.  Nope,
that would not go down well with Agent Scully.  He smirked.  Scully
would have a cow if she knew just how much he wanted to hide her away so
no harm would come to her. A big cow.

*****

Mulder's apartment
12.30pm


Mulder let them into his apartment and then sneezed as a bit of dust got
up his nose. Scully threw her bag down on the coffee table and then
frowned.

"Mulder," she said slowly, "Why is it so neat in here?"

He stood next to her and they both looked around.  His apartment didn't
look neat, so much as *untouched*.  He let his eyes wander over his
furniture,  trying to place what was wrong.  It looked the same...only
different.

"Scully, something's wrong."

"Hmmm," she agreed dryly. "Someone's cleaned up.  There's no dirty
underwear, no empty pizza containers.  No videos scattered on the floor
ready to trip me up.  Do you want me to continue?"

"No I mean it.  Something's wrong.  It wasn't like this when I left.
And look," he said going over to a bookshelf. "Look at the dust in this
place.  Now I'm not the greatest housekeeper in the world, but this
place looks like it hasn't been dusted in months."

Scully wandered over to the bookshelf, while Mulder went into the
kitchen.  He opened the fridge door and was confronted with nothing,
except some mustard, pickles and one can of beer.

"Hey Scully, come and look at this.  There's nothing in my fridge.  I
mean *nothing*.  What the hell is going on?"

He turned to look at Scully and saw her look up at him with haunted
eyes. "Mulder,  I think you need to see this," she said tensely.  She
was holding a photograph.  He didn't recognize the frame.

He walked over to her,  feeling slightly sick to his stomach.  Whatever
was in that photo had shaken her.  He took it from her hand, and then
looked down at it, feeling her eyes piercing into him.

"Oh my God," he whispered hoarsely. "Samantha."

Feeling his knees give way he made his way to the sofa and crumpled down
onto it.  "Scully, what is this?"

She sat down next to him and took the photo from him. An adult Samantha
stared back at her,  with two young children on her lap. "I don't know,
Mulder.  I think someone is playing games with you."

"It's her Scully. It's Samantha."

"Mulder," she said gently, "It may look like the woman they have made
out to be her,  but you don't know for sure that it *is* her.  There
must be an explanation."

She took the photo from his hand and fleetingly squeezed his shoulder.
"Let's look around a bit more.  I think we should be careful what we
touch - someone has obviously been in here and we don't want to disturb
any fingerprints."

She walked towards the kitchen, giving him time to pull himself
together. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen, she tried to identify
if anything seemed out of place.  It all looked pretty much the same,
although she couldn't claim to be an expert on Mulder's kitchen.  She
couldn't remember the last time she'd been in it.  He was right though,
it looked as though nobody had actually *been* here for a while.  Scully
shivered.  This was creepy.

"Scully."  Mulder's shaken voice floated through to her.  "Come in
here."

She walked in to find him staring at a light flashing on his answering
machine.  "There's a message," he stated dully.  She looked at him in
surprise.

"Mulder, it's probably your Mom, or an old message from me." She didn't
understand why he was so thrown by this.

"My answering machine broke 3 weeks ago. Remember? You thought I was
ignoring your messages," he said hoarsely.

"Didn't you get it fixed?" she asked nervously.

He shook his head.

"Well, there's only one way to find out," and she pushed the PLAY
button.

An unfamiliar voice floated out, "Hey Fox, it's Sam.  Just letting you
know  - oh, I've just realized this is your old number.  Fox, why do you
even have this machine on??"  She laughed and then continued, "I'll call
you at your *other* home.  See ya."

This time all the blood drained from Mulder's face and he crumpled to
his knees before the machine.  He pressed PLAY again and listened to the
message. He looked up at Scully. "It's Samantha. I know it is."

Scully looked into his desperate, pleading eyes.  He wanted her to
confirm what he so desperately wanted to believe.  But she couldn't. It
could not be Samantha. None of this made sense.

She bent down next to him so their faces were level.  "Mulder, that's
impossible.  The message doesn't make sense. None of this does."

Mulder took a deep breath and said, "Scully...do you believe in the idea
of alternate universes?"

Her look said it all.

"Hear me out.  A lot of people believe that the universe is made up of a
number of parallel universes.  When an important event occurs that can
go both ways the universe 'splits' and creates two parallel universes
that occur in time simultaneously, but in different space.  This could
explain why we're sitting here in my apartment, yet it isn't really my
apartment, why in *this* world Samantha is still alive."

He almost held his breath waiting for her disparaging response, or at
the very least her disdainful eyebrow.  But all she said was, "Mulder,
not that I'm buying into your theory in *any* way, but what important
event could have occurred to cause this 'split' in the universe?"

"Well," he began slowly, "Everything was okay when we left for our
investigation, so something happened after that.  The explosion?  Maybe
that was important."

Scully was beginning to get exasperated. "Humor me Mulder. Why was that
explosion so important to have caused the *entire* universe to have
split?"

"I don't know Scully. But it's the only thing I can think of. Dammit,"
he said, his voice raising. "My sister is alive! She knows me. You heard
her yourself! Why can't you believe?!"

They stared at each other, at an impasse. Mulder had come up with a lot
of wild theories in his time, but this was one of the wildest.
Unfortunately Scully was unable to come up with an alternative.

Before she could respond, Mulder grabbed for his address book and
started rifling through. He held it out to her, pointing at something.

"My writing, Scully. Her name, her address. I'm going to call her."  He
reached for the phone but Scully grabbed it from his hand.

"Mulder - no! Whatever is happening here, calling your sister, or
whoever is pretending to be your sister is not the right thing. Mulder,"
she pleaded, "we have no idea what is happening. Let's not rush into
things until we have a clear picture of *what* we are rushing into."

He nodded mutely. She was right.

Scully rose to her feet and held out a hand to help him up.

She sighed. "Mulder, why don't we go over to my apartment and see if
anything is different."

"Okay," he said quietly.

*******

Scully pulled her keys out of her bag and unlocked her door hesitantly.
When she spied her familiar sofa and cushions she breathed a sigh of
relief.  Things looked normal, lived in. Until she turned around.

"Mulder," she breathed in. "I don't own that vase."

He merely raised his eyebrows at her, as if to suggest that he had
expected nothing else.

Scully quickly walked around her living room, then ventured into her
bedroom and began rifling through her drawers. She strode back out to
where Mulder was still standing, panic rising in her chest, "Mulder,
it's different.  Those clothes aren't mine, one of the chairs is
different. Dammit, what's going on!" she yelled to nobody in particular.

She followed Mulder into the kitchen.  He opened the fridge and smirked,
"At least you've got some food."

He began pulling out cheese, mustard, and bread while Scully stared at
him, absolutely incredulous.  How could he even think of eating?

She was just about to make a cutting remark when she froze. Someone was
opening the door. With a key.

Without a word Mulder grabbed her and pulled her into the pantry, her
back pressed tightly against him. They only just managed to squeeze in
and close the slatted door before someone walked into the kitchen and
dropped a full grocery bag onto the table.

It was Scully.

************
Part 2 of 10
************


It was Scully.

At least, it was someone who looked exactly like Scully.

Mulder felt Scully start and breathe in sharply. He managed to clamp his
hand over her mouth before she let out a gasp.  He wound his other arm
around her waist. When he was satisfied that she was over her initial
shock he removed his hand from her mouth and rested his arm lightly
across her upper chest. He could feel her trembling...or maybe that was
him.

They both watched in fascination and horror. The other Scully shook her
head in disgust at the food Mulder had left on the bench. "Slob," she
muttered, but with a smile.

She began pulling the groceries out of the bag and placing them on the
table. Mulder felt Scully tense and realized what she was thinking.  If
any of those groceries belonged in the pantry, they were caught.

Luckily, Scully's double set about cooking with the ingredients she had
just bought.

Scully chewed on her lip as she watched the other 'Scully' pour herself
a glass of wine, and then stop before she took her first mouthful. With
a smile, she poured it down the drain.  What was that all about,
wondered Scully.

Scully felt a slight nausea develop in her stomach. She could feel her
heartbeat rising and wondered if she was about to experience a panic
attack.  God knows, she deserved one.  If this wasn't enough to send her
spinning out of control then she didn't know what was.  She was watching
*herself*.

Briefly she closed her eyes to shut out the scene before her. Maybe she
was dreaming.  But Mulder's rapid shallow breaths tickling her neck
convinced her otherwise. For some reason his obvious anxiety comforted
her.  Not for the first time in her life, she thanked God that Mulder
was with her.

Scully's eyes opened again to the sound of the front door opening
again.  This time it was Mulder's turn to jerk in surprise as his double
walked in.

"Hey sweetie," his doppelganger said to the other Scully.  He walked
over and put his arms around her as she stirred the sauce she was
making.

"Your landlord called," Dana said as she continued stirring.  "He said
that he had someone who was interested in your apartment.  He said he
knew you were still paying rent, but it seemed a shame to leave it empty
like that."  She looked back over her shoulder at him in mock
disapproval.  "I said I totally agreed, but we were at an impasse with
what to do with your ugly furniture."

He tickled her and she giggled. "Fox! I'm trying to have a serious
conversation with you.  It's been nearly 6 months now!  Even your
landlord wants you to break your lease.  If you really want to keep your
stuff, then we'll put it in storage until we decide what to do with it.
At least that will be cheaper."

"But Dana," he whined. "I love my apartment.  It has lots of memories.
And what if I need to escape from you?" He kissed her neck to let her
know he was joking. "Okay, you win. I'll put my stuff in storage until I
can convince you to let my sofa in."

He dipped his finger in the sauce and she laughingly slapped at his
hand.

"Stop that! It's for later - I'm making you a special dinner." She
squirmed as he began kissing her neck.

"What for?" he muttered against her flesh.

"You'll find out later," she said mysteriously and turned around in his
arms to kiss him. Their kiss was long and deep and Mulder felt Scully
tense against him as they watched.

"You know what I want for dinner?" the other Mulder said teasingly.  His
mouth curved into a sexy smile and he pulled her over so her bottom was
pressed against the table. From their position in the pantry Mulder and
Scully could see the flush rising on 'Scully's' face. Mulder's
counterpart had his back facing them, and Mulder breathed a sigh of
relief.  If that guy had an erection he did *not* want Scully to see
it.  Besides, as perverse as it was given the circumstances, he was
getting a small thrill out seeing an obviously aroused Scully.  It was a
sight he had imagined a number of times, but never had the pleasure of
seeing.  Irrationally, a stab of jealousy passed through him as he
watched his double run his hands up her waist to cup her breasts.

"Fox," she breathed, in an attempt to stop him. "I'm cooking."

"I'm not hungry. Well, not for food," he replied and then he gently
squeezed her nipple, causing her to gasp.  "Wanna play Dana?"

She gave in, and smiling wickedly she leaned forward and kissed him
passionately.

Scully swallowed. She was kissing Mulder!  Sort of. My God, she could
see her own tongue!  She was suddenly acutely aware of Mulder's body
pressed up against hers. His hand was splayed against her stomach and
her bottom was nestled against his upper thighs. His other arm was
wrapped around her chest, just slightly above the swell of her breasts.
Their hiding space was so small that she was unable to separate herself
from him.

Scully tensed as *Fox* began undoing the buttons on *Dana's* blouse.  Oh
dear. She felt herself blushing, knowing the Mulder was watching this.
Irrationally she hoped that Dana was wearing nice underwear.

Mulder's eyes widened when he realized Scully - Dana - was about to be
very close to naked.  Briefly he wondered if he should close his eyes
out of respect for Scully, but then pushed that thought aside.  He had
ringside tickets to the greatest peep show on earth, and he wasn't about
to waste the opportunity.

Fox bent down and began nuzzling Dana's laced covered breasts.  "You
smell great," he murmured.  Dana pulled his shirt out of his trousers
and then pushed him back so that she could undo the buttons.  When she
slipped it off his shoulders Scully felt her eyes drawn to the lean
muscles in his back. Just like Mulder, she thought.

They started kissing more frantically, and their fingers fumbled as they
struggle to pull the remainder of their clothes off while still
maintaining lip contact.  Amidst giggles they tore their clothes off so
that they were both naked, except for their socks.

Mulder winced at the sight of his bare bottom. He'd never really seen
himself from that angle and frankly he was disappointed with how skinny
he looked.  He consoled himself with the thought that *he* obviously
worked out more than this interloper.  Scully  - or rather *Dana* - on
the other hand looked fantastic.  And, he noted with increasing arousal,
she was a true redhead. He bit his lip to stifle a groan and squeezed
his eyes shut. He could feel a stirring in his nether regions and he did
*not* want to be prodding a gigantic hard-on into Scully's back. Think
of Grandma, he repeated to himself, mantra-like.

Scully blushed furiously.  She was incredibly uncomfortable watching
'herself' trail her tongue down Mulder's chest.  Not that she hadn't
thought of doing that on a number of occasions, but this was not quite
the scenario she had in mind. Still she had to admit, she looked pretty
good. Sex obviously agreed with her - not that she'd know. And Fox had a
great butt - maybe not as slim as Mulder's she thought, but it had been
a while since she'd seen Mulder naked.

Despite the circumstances, Scully found herself fascinated by the
spectacle before her, and a little aroused.  She wondered what Mulder
was thinking, and had to wonder no further when his hips moved slightly
and she felt his erection brush against her.

Scully felt an almost overwhelming desire to laugh, and wondered if she
was finally going insane. Was she really in a cupboard pressed against
Mulder's erection watching themselves make love?  This could not be
happening. This could *not* be happening.

"Wait," gasped Dana as Fox started to lift her onto the table. "I was
going to tell you later, but I want to tell you now."  She raised her
hands up so that they cupped his face and she flashed him a beatific
smile.

"What?" he asked breathlessly. "This had better be good Dana," he warned
jokingly.

"Oh it is. It really is." She paused for effect. "Fox, I'm pregnant."

Scully felt as though someone had just punched her in the stomach. If
Mulder's arms weren't wrapped around her, she would have collapsed to
the ground.

For a moment Fox was silent and then he let out a whoop of joy and
excitement. "Oh my God, you're pregnant! Are you sure, I mean...are you
sure? When? I can't believe it. You're so clever!" He wrapped his arms
around her in a bear hug and swung her around the kitchen.

She laughed and said "Actually I think *you're* the clever one. Well,
maybe we're both clever.  I went to the doctor today and he confirmed
it. I'm due in January."

Mulder tightened his grip on Scully. Oh God, Scully. He could feel the
pain emanating from her and he pressed his lips against her hair. He
felt her stiffen and he knew that she was already trying to build the
walls; trying not to let him see how devastated she was by what she had
just witnessed. Please don't shut me out Scully, he thought.  He felt
something hot and wet land on his arm, and knew she was crying. He also
knew that she would be furious with herself for this display of emotion.

He watched the couple kiss some more and then Fox murmured, "You know,
now that you're the mother of my child, I'm not sure that sex on this
hard table is appropriate. Feel like a soft bed?"  He took her hand and
led her out of the kitchen.

They waited until they were sure that Dana and Fox were otherwise
occupied and then ventured out of their hiding space.

Scully immediately headed for the front door, but Mulder grabbed her
hand and pulled her around so that she was facing him. He reached a hand
up to brush a remaining tear away, but she flinched and pulled her head
back. Motioning towards the bedroom she frowned and whispered, "Let's
go."

As she headed to the front door Scully heard her double let out a shriek
of laughter, followed quickly by his laughter.  The sound made her
stomach clench even more and for a moment she wondered if she was going
to vomit.

She felt wretched. But most of all she felt incredibly guilty that she
begrudged this other Scully - whoever she was - her pregnancy. My God,
she thought in horror, I'm jealous of *myself*.  Her faced burned with
shame.

She needed to be alone, and once they exited her apartment onto the
street she picked up pace to put some distance between herself and
Mulder. Her mind was racing, fighting to understand what was happening
to them.  Were they hallucinating?  Was she dreaming? Was this some plan
to send them over the edge?  If so, it was working.

She didn't notice Mulder catch up with her until he grabbed her arm and
forced her to stop, placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Scully, talk to me," he begged.

"I'm fine Mulder, I just need to be alone. Let go of me."

"Scully, please don't do this. We need to talk about what we just saw."

Scully stared past his shoulder and then said, "I can't Mulder. This is
something I have to deal with...alone.  This has nothing to do with
you."

She saw him flinch at her words, but she didn't care. She wanted to be
far away from this, from him.

"Dammit Scully, you're wrong," he said, his voice rising rapidly. "This
has *everything* to do with me! With me and you together, and you can't
just shut me out! Why can't you let me help you?"

Scully felt her anger and pain well over, and her only target was
Mulder. "Because you *can't* help me Mulder! You can't!" she screamed at
him, and then she shoved him in the chest. Hard.

Taken unawares, Mulder stumbled backwards, a look of shock on his face.
Scully turned on her heel and ran, her breath ragged and harsh as she
tried to hold back tears. She had no idea where she was running to, and
part of her wanted to turn around and fling herself into Mulder's arms.
But she couldn't bring herself to accept his sympathy. Or his pity. If
she did, she would break.

So intent was she on bringing her emotions back into control she didn't
hear Mulder run up behind her. He grabbed her arm and yanked her back,
twisting her lower back in the process.  She gasped at the sudden pain,
and struggled to get out of his grip.

"Dammit Scully, what the fuck do you think you're doing!" he yelled,
only just resisting the urge to shake her. "You can't just run off like
that. We don't know where we are, we don't know what's happening. We
can't be separated.  Please," he pleaded, panting, "please talk to me."

"Mulder," she said, voice hoarse, but calmer, "Why is it so hard for you
to understand that I just want to be *alone*?" Her demeanor softened.
"I'll be fine...really. I'm just in a bit of shock. This is too weird.
Please, can I just be alone?"

Rather than releasing her, Mulder's gripped tightened. "Scully, why
can't you talk to me about this? Why?"

Scully was silent.  "I just can't," she said finally, her eyes begging
him to understand her. "Please, I just can't. I don't want your
sympathy, or your pity. I couldn't handle it."

He pulled her roughly towards him, until their faces were inches apart.
"My pity? God Scully," he said in anguish. "Do you think I don't
understand what you're feeling?  Do you think I'm not feeling the same
thing?"

He released her and stepped back, raising his face to the sky and
covering it with his hands. When he had gained some control of his
emotions he looked down at her and said hoarsely, "Scully, do you think
that I don't want what they have? God! They're so happy.  They're in
love. They're pregnant!  Do you think that I wasn't looking at him
wishing I *was* him?"

He paused and then said quietly, "I thought I could help you by talking
about it. I thought we could help each other by talking about it."

This time it was Mulder who turned walked away.

Scully looked at his retreating back, astonished. Maybe he wasn't
offering sympathy, but empathy. Maybe he was seeking some comfort of his
own. Tears sprung to her eyes, and she walked after him.  When she
caught up, she said not a word, but placed her hand in his. He didn't
look at her, but put his hand and hers into his coat pocket, and kept on
walking.


************
Part 3 of 10
************

Mulder's apartment
8.45 pm

They finished off a nutritionally-challenged dinner of pizza and
ice-cream in silence, with Mulder mindlessly flipping through the TV
channels.  They had decided that the other Fox Mulder did not appear to
use the apartment, and both felt more comfortable in familiar
surroundings than a hotel room.

A thought struck Scully and she asked, "How much money do you have
left?"

"It's okay," he replied tonelessly. "My credit card still works, and if
he's anything like me, which I have to assume he is, then he won't ever
check the bills. He'll just pay them."

"Good. I don't have much, and I *do* check my bills. Meticulously." She
smiled at him slightly, and he grinned back, relieved that she had
perked up enough to joke with him.

"I might have a bath," she said, stretching as she rose from the sofa.

He watched her small lithe form as she headed towards the bathroom,
getting a clean towel out of the linen cupboard as she passed.  He felt
his throat constrict as he watched her.  They still hadn't discussed
today, and he knew she would try to avoid it if she could.  But he felt
it was important for them to talk, for both their sakes, but especially
for hers. In the years they had been together, Mulder had always been
the one to express his emotions and cry on her shoulder when things were
hard.

But not Scully.

She kept it all in, shedding a few tears only in times of extreme
anguish. Mulder knew that bottling up emotions was unhealthy.  If it was
all he could do for her, he would get her to open up and release some of
her pain and anger.

With that thought in mind, he settled back on the sofa to stare
unseeingly at the Discovery Channel, patiently waiting until Scully
finished her bath.

***

Scully felt calmer after resting in the hot water for an hour. She was
as wrinkled as a prune, and she felt incredibly sleepy.  A few hours of
oblivion would be a welcome relief. She only hoped she didn't dream.

She wandered back into the lounge room, dressed in a large shirt of
Mulder's - Fox's - and a pair of his boxers.

Mulder whistled as she entered. "Nice get up. Do you realize that boxers
have a hole in the front?"

He laughed as Scully quickly looked down, and then realized that the
shirt was covering most of the boxers anyway.

"Gotcha."

"Yeah, nice one funny man.  I'm beat. Do you mind if I take the bed? I
figure you're used to the sofa."

"Yeah sure...but Scully. Can you stay up for a bit longer? Can we talk?
We still haven't discussed what happened today, and I think we should."

He saw Scully stiffen, and the shutters come down over her normally
expressive eyes.

"Mulder, I really don't want to. I'm tired. Can't this wait?"

"No, I don't think it should." He patted the sofa cushion next to him.
"Come over here."

She shook her head and folded her arms. "Mulder there's really nothing
to say. We saw two people who look remarkably like us, and we have no
idea what the fuck is going on.  What else is there to say?"

"How 'bout how you feel?" he asked quietly.

"How I feel?  How I feel?  You mean apart from confused, frustrated, and
scared? What do you want me to say Mulder?"

Mulder rose from the sofa and walked over to her. He ran one finger down
her cheek and then rested it under her chin, pulling her face up so he
could look in her eyes. "I want you to tell me how you really feel. The
truth."

Scully was unable to stop her chin from trembling and tears from
developing. She hated him for doing this to her. "What do you want me to
say?" she repeated, voice starting to break. She took a deep breath,
hoping to calm herself. Fuck him. He wanted the truth. Fine. She'd tell
him the truth.

"You want me to tell you that I'm jealous of her? That I'm jealous for
what she has.  Well godammit, I'm not Mulder! I'm not jealous of her - I
*hate* her! I hate her for being pregnant! I hate her for having *my*
baby!" Her voice rose higher and she gulped in a jagged breath. "Are you
happy now?  I HATE HER!"

Scully pushed the balls of her hands into her eyes in a futile effort to
stop the tears.  "God," she moaned. "God help me."

Mulder pulled her roughly into his embrace, wrapping his arms tightly
around her heaving form. "Scully...Scully. Oh, Scully."  He rocked her
back and forth, his tears falling to mingle with hers.

Together they rocked, until Mulder felt her breathing and tears
subside.  He pulled a hanky out of his pocket and gave it to her, still
holding her close. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose and then pulled
back to look at him.  A piece of his heart broke off - she had never
looked so adorably ugly. Her nose was red, her eyes puffy and skin
blotchy.

He loved her.

Without thinking, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers.
Her mouth parted slightly and his tongue darted out to run over her
lips. They tasted salty from her tears.  He pressed his mouth harder
against hers and swept his tongue into her mouth, tasting her. She
responded by stroking his tongue with hers and he moaned. When his brain
started to scream for oxygen he pulled back and felt her sharp intake of
breath. It was this that brought him to his senses.  He quickly stepped
back.

"I'm sorry Scully. I shouldn't have - "

Scully brought her hand up briefly to her lips. "No, it's okay. We're
both tired and upset. It's natural to seek comfort." She stepped back
from him, with an unreadable expression on her face. Finally she smiled
slightly and said "Don't worry, I won't hold you to it. G'night Mulder."

She turned and walked into his bedroom, leaving him still standing in
the same place, stunned.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, he thought. What the fuck did I just do?

He lurched over to the sofa and flopped down, head in his hands.

I finally kissed Scully and I chose this fucking moment to do it, he
thought savagely. He almost moaned into his hands as he replayed the
scene, remembering his apology for the kiss.

Sorry! *Sorry*! You stupid fuck, he berated himself.

What was she thinking right now? He rubbed his eyes with his fingers,
contemplating her reaction to his kiss, to his stupid apology. He wasn't

sorry - not at all. Maybe he was sorry for choosing that moment, but he
wasn't sorry for kissing her. But now she would think he was sorry for
the kiss. How could she think otherwise after what he said? Hell, she
had said she wouldn't hold him to it! She obviously thought he regretted
what he had done. Dammit!

Then a thought struck him, sending a trickle of cold nausea down his
body.

Maybe she was glad he'd said sorry. Maybe she'd didn't *want* him to
kiss her.  He tried to recall the expression on her face. Had she seemed
relieved when he pulled back, or disappointed?  He didn't know.  What a
fucking mess.

******

Scully lay back in Mulder's bed, her mind whirling.

He'd kissed her! And then he'd taken it back.  What the fuck was he
doing to her? Images ran through her mind of she and Mulder laughing,
him wiping sauce from her chin, his hand on her back, hugging her in the
hallway of the hospital and him bending down to kiss her before that
damn bee stung her.  Now it had happened again, and both times he'd
apologized for it. What did that mean?  Was he sorry because he *was*
sorry? Or sorry because he thought she hadn't wanted it? If so, he was
*so* wrong. God, she wanted it.

She sighed and rolled over, trying to get comfortable. At least his
action had temporarily driven thoughts of today out of her mind, she
thought ruefully.  Today.

She felt her stomach clench and a wave of misery wash over her.  Maybe
Mulder was right. Maybe this was some alternate universe. And if so, she
and Mulder had lucked out big time. Their counterparts seemed to be
blissfully happy, and had the kind of life she'd sometimes dreamed
about. And she and Mulder were together. Married even.

She curled up into a ball, wrapping her body around the cold hard rock
that seemed to have lodged itself in her stomach.  Go to sleep, she told
herself. But sleep took a long time to come, and when it did, it was
troubled.

*****

"Mulder...Mulder."

It was only a faint sound emanating from the room where Scully slept,
but it was enough to wake Mulder.

He sat bolt upright, taking a few seconds to remember why he could hear
Scully's voice floating from his bedroom. Springing quickly to his feet,
he made his way to the door of his bedroom, shivering in the cold.  He
opened the door and saw Scully twisted amongst the blankets, whimpering
and breathing out his name.

He crossed to the bed and sat down next to her. "Hey Scully, I'm
here...it's okay," he whispered, stroking the hair back from her
forehead. He noticed her top half was completely uncovered and she was
shivering slightly.

She settled a little when she heard his voice, although she didn't wake.
He loosened the blankets that were wound tightly around her legs and
pulled them up across her chest, tucking them under her chin. As he
smoothed the blankets down, her arm reached out from under them and
clasped his forearm.  She pulled it close into her chest, wrapping her
arms around it like a child cuddling a favorite teddy bear.

Mulder froze, half bent down over her. Now what?  He didn't want to wake
her, but he wasn't leaving the room without his arm. "Scully," he
whispered gently into her ear, "Let go of my arm,  I kind of need it."

She didn't respond, and he couldn't help but grin. He considered his
options - wake her up and risk the wrath of Scully, or spend the night
with her in the same bed, and risk the wrath of Scully. Oh well, either
way he was in trouble, so he knew which option he preferred.  With
painstaking stealth he crawled into bed with her, and snuggled up to her
side, making sure his arm remained in its position cradled between her
breasts.  She rolled over onto her side, bringing him with her. Her
bottom snuggled into him, seeking out his warmth, and he almost died a
death of pure joy.  Feeling the bravery of someone who knew he was
already in big trouble, he nuzzled his lips into her neck and then
kissed her earlobe. "G'night Scully," he whispered.

*****

It took Scully only a split second when she woke up to realize it was
Mulder wrapped around her. His distinctive musky smell completely
enveloped her, and his morning erection poked rather prominently into
her bottom, although that was not an identifying feature. Not for her at
least.

What she couldn't figure out was *why* he was in her bed.

"Mulder?" she said slowly.

"Mmmph." His arms tightened around her.

"Mulder, wake up," she said more loudly.

"Scully, leave me alone," he muttered into the back of her head.

"Well I would if I could, but you have rather a tight grip. Wake up."

This time Mulder woke up. It took him longer than Scully to figure out
what was happening, although he was distracted by the delicious feeling
of his erection nestling into Scully's bottom.  When he realized this,
he rolled away from her, completely mortified. Before she could ask, he
said, "You had a nightmare. You grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go, so I
stayed."

"Very chivalrous of you," she muttered, but not without some humor.

"Hey, don't knock it," he said with a cheeky grin, "Chivalry is dead
according to some, so you should take what you can get."

Scully looked at him. He looked far too cocky for his own good - in more
ways than one. "Mulder, I'm not sure I consider you poking your erection
into my back chivalrous," she replied, one eyebrow raised. Ha - that got
him!

She smirked at the shocked look on his face and, feeling proud of her
composure, sauntered out of the room to take a shower.

***

Feeling more optimistic after a shower, Scully took the chair next to
Mulder and picked up his bagel, taking a huge bite out of it.

"Hey, yours is over there!" he complained good naturedly.

"So what's the plan?" she asked as she got up to retrieve her bagel from
its paper bag. She proceeded to spread cream cheese thickly onto it.
Bless Mulder for remembering the cream cheese.

"Research Scully. On ourselves. I think we need to figure out why their
lives are so different to ours, and what event caused our lives to
diverge."

"But Mulder, that could be impossible. The event that caused their lives
to diverge so drastically from ours may be something so small as to
appear insignificant. You know, the butterfly flapping its wings in
China and all that."

When he looked perplexed she elaborated, "The Butterfly Effect Mulder.
It's a theory upon which the Chaos theory is based.  A butterfly
flapping its wings in China may only be a small event, but a whole
string of consequences may stem from it, eventually causing a much
bigger event to occur over the other side of the world. Don't you
remember that rhyme from when you were a kid? The one about the horse's
shoe?"

His eyes lit up in recognition.

"Yeah! For want of a nail, the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe, the horse was lost.
For want of a horse, the rider was lost.
For want of a rider, the battle was lost.
For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost."

Scully smirked. "Trust you to remember the entire poem, word for word."

Mulder looked up at her and smiled. "So, Agent Scully, does this mean
you are accepting my theory of an alternate universe?"

"No Agent Mulder, it just means that I can't come up with a theory of my
own right now, so I'll go along with yours until I do. Don't get excited
though," she said dryly. "Too much excitement can kill a person."

"Well if yesterday didn't kill me, then I think the chances of death by
excitement are slim. Thanks for the warning though." He looked at her
fondly, noting that she had color back in her cheeks and looked like her
normal, strong self again.

"Yeah, sorry about yesterday," she said quietly. "My behavior was -"

"Scully, you have nothing to apologize for," he interrupted with
conviction. "Nothing. I was actually referring to the sight of us doing
the wild thing in your kitchen, not you. Your reaction was normal and
neither you nor I have anything to apologize for."

They looked at each other, both thinking of the same thing. The kiss.
Scully broke their locked gaze first by getting up to deposit her dirty
plate in the sink.  After giving it a quick rinse, she wiped her hands
on the tea towel and said, "Well, where to first?  You think we should
snoop at my apartment first?  I guess she'll be at work."

"Sounds like a plan; let's go butterfly catching Agent Scully."

******

Scully felt her chest tighten in apprehension as she opened the door to
her apartment.  Although she was sure there would be nobody there, the
images and feelings of the day before threatened to overcome her, and
she paused momentarily.

"You okay?" asked Mulder quietly, placing his hand briefly on her
shoulder.

She nodded and then walked in. "I'll start in the living room. I usually
keep important papers in a drawer there, so maybe she does too. Although
I don't know what we're hoping to find..." she trailed off, suddenly
feeling very lost. She turned and headed towards the cabinet before
Mulder could ask her again if she was okay.

Mulder sighed slightly and headed into the kitchen. Scully could do the
bedroom; although it wasn't actually *hers* he would feel as if he were
invading her privacy by rummaging through it.

Forty minutes later Scully had made her way through to the bottom of the
drawer. Nothing. At least, nothing that seemed significant.  She let her
eyes wander properly around the room for the first time.  A photo caught
her attention and she picked it up. It was the same photo she kept in
her living room - an old one of the whole family, taken when she was
about 15. She smiled sadly at the image of Missy with her arm draped
loosely around her shoulder, her father standing behind her.

Putting the photo back, she noticed another one. A photo she had never
seen before. A wedding photo of her and Mulder. Dammit - it's not us,
she berated herself. Fox and Dana.

She examined the photo closely. Nice dress. Something she'd choose. She
looked at it wistfully before placing it back. Next to it was a photo of
Dana and Missy, as adults.  She took it down, wondering if she had the
same one. It didn't look familiar. Then she noticed the date, and her
throat constricted. August 9 1998.

The realization hit her and she felt the blood drain from her face. Of
course - why hadn't she thought of that. If Samantha was alive there was
no reason why Missy wouldn't be! Maybe her father was alive too!  Hands
shaking she placed the photo back, and still on her knees shuffled over
to the phone. She picked up the address book and quickly flipped through
the pages until she got to 'S'.  Missy. There she was - her name, number
and address.  Without stopping to consider the consequences she dialed
the number.

Anxiety caused Scully's stomach to roil as she waited for someone to
pick up. C'mon Missy, she urged. And then someone answered.

"Hello?"

Scully's breath caught in her throat. It was Missy's voice. Missy!

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

Scully said nothing, unable to even breathe. She was shaken to the core
as she heard Missy say again, "If there is anyone there I can't hear
you. If you're a prank caller - get a life."

And she hung up, leaving Scully still clutching the receiver, trembling
on the floor.

This was how Mulder found her when he walked into the living room. He
rushed to her side and crouched down beside her. "Scully! What
happened?"

"Missy," she croaked. One glance at her white face and the phone told
Mulder all he needed to know.  "Oh Scully," he groaned, stroking one
hand over her hair, "You called her."

"I didn't say anything," she said quickly, recovering her voice. "I'm
sorry Mulder. As soon as I realized she was alive I just acted on
impulse. But I didn't say anything...I just listened.  Mulder...I'm
sorry for yesterday." At his questioning look she continued, "You wanted
to call Sam, and I didn't understand, not really. I didn't let you
because I was applying reason over emotion and now that I'm in the same
situation I let myself give in to emotion. A double standard - one rule
for you and one rule for me," she said hollowly.

"Scully, you're being too hard on yourself. As always." He smoothed a
bit of hair away from her face, not because it was in the way, but
because he wanted to touch her. He leaned in and kissed her lightly on
her cheekbone. "If you don't cut yourself some slack, you're going to
end up a basket case, okay?"

Getting to his feet he held out a hand to help her up. "As much as I
fancy going through your double's lingerie drawers, I think maybe you
should do the bedroom. Not that I think there will be anything of
interest in the bathroom, but I'll just do a quick look through after
I've finished the kitchen."

"Okay," she said quietly, "But there doesn't appear to be a lot here
that can give us any idea of what is happening.  I think maybe after
this we should try the Office of Births, Deaths and Marriages - try and
get some details on who is here and who isn't."

"That's a good idea. I was thinking we should go to the office as well,
but later, so there is no chance of running into ourselves. That means
you'll have to get changed into one of her work outfits. I think you'll
get noticed in those jeans."

She nodded. She'd do that now. Changing clothes was a mindless thing,
and her brain needed a break.  Once in the bedroom she opened the
cupboard and began flicking through the suits. Nice. She smiled at how
similar Dana's wardrobe was to hers. In fact some of her suits were
exactly the same as one's she owned. The trick was to choose something
that she thought Dana would not miss. And right at the back she found
it. She knew Dana wouldn't miss it because she had the same one and she
hated it. She'd bought it after being dumped by a boyfriend many years
ago, and it was tight and a gorgeous turquoise color. Precisely the type
of thing she did *not* like wearing to work  - to this day she didn't
know why she'd bought it.

Quickly shedding her clothes she slipped into it, slightly surprised
that it still fit. Only just. She stood back to look at herself in the
full length mirror. It was a beautiful color, she admitted.  The deep
turquoise set off her hair and eyes perfectly. But the skirt was too
clingy for her liking, and too short. The jacket was a nice cut, but
also tight, which meant the only thing that fit properly underneath was
a tight black singlet top that she found in one of the drawers. Okay,
she looked hot, but high class hooker-hot, not FBI-agent hot.  Not that
there was such a thing.

She briefly contemplated changing into something else, but she knew that
this was the one suit that Dana would *not* miss, so she kept it on. If
they went to the office late enough hopefully there wouldn't be many
people left to notice poor Dana's sudden transformation.  Scully
chuckled, imagining the surprised looks of co-workers.

A devilish thought occurred to her. Maybe she should saunter past Mulder
wearing this suit. Just to see his reaction. Slipping on some high
heels, she made her way to the kitchen, but stopped in horror as the
front door opened.

In walked Fox.  She jumped and let out a startled cry.

"Dana, what are you doing here?" He walked over and wrapped her in his
arms. "Did I give you a fright sweetheart?"

Out of the corner of her eye Scully could see Mulder frozen to the spot,
watching them. Luckily Fox had his back to him.

Scully pulled back from Fox's embrace and looked at him. Exactly like
Mulder. "Hmm, you startled me," she said shakily. Talk about
understatement of the century. "What are you doing here?"

"Forgot something," he said smiling ruefully. He leaned over and kissed
her gently on the lips, causing her to flush slightly.

"What are *you* doing here? You're not sick are you?" he inquired with
concern. "You look a little flushed."

"No," she said hurriedly. "I forgot a file - I'd better get going
really, it's been a busy day so far." She placed her hands against his
chest to push him back, but he chuckled and pulled her in tighter.

"What, not interested in a quickie Dana?" He bent his head forward and
began nibbling at her lips. His lips were soft and when his tongue
flicked out she felt an instant rush of heat between her legs. Oh dear.

His kiss became more insistent and her arms slid up around his neck.
Best not to arouse suspicion, she thought groggily as she kissed him
back. Their tongues met, stroking and tangling, and Scully was
overwhelmed with the sensation. Until she remembered this was *not*
Mulder.

She pulled back, gasping. "Mul- Fox, I have to get back to work.
Really." She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and again tried
to pull back from him. But he had other ideas.

"I'm sure work won't miss you," he muttered as he pressed his lips
against her neck and then rubbed his face against her skin. "You're
intoxicating you know that? I'm drunk on the smell of you." He grabbed
her hand and placed it on his cock. It was hard and thick. Her hand
closed around it and he breathed in heavily. "Feel that, Dana? That's
how much I want you. All the time - I want you like that all the time."

His hand traveled up her torso until it cupped her breast, his thumb
playing with her erect nipple.  This time it was her turn to breathe in
deeply, and it took all her willpower to take his hand and remove it
from her breast. Briefly she wandered if Mulder was still watching.

He was.

And he was filled with jealousy bordering on rage.  That son-of-a-bitch
was touching Scully. And she appeared to be enjoying it.  It was
completely lost on him that the son-of-a-bitch was him.

He watched Scully remove Fox's hand from her breast and whisper
something into his ear. Fox laughed and then kissed her deeply one more
time before letting her go. She stood there and watched him retrieve a
file from the floor next to the sofa and then he left, planting a quick
kiss on her lips before doing so.

When he was sure Fox was gone, Mulder came out from the kitchen and went
over to Scully. Her lips were puffy and red, and her hair was
disheveled. She fixed him with an inscrutable stare and before he could
say anything said, "Not a word Mulder. Not one word."

She then turned to retrieve her clothing from the bedroom. It was only
then that Mulder noticed what she was wearing. Well no bloody wonder, he
thought.


************
Part 4 of 10
************

2.30pm
Office of Birth, Deaths and Marriages
Washington DC

Mulder tapped the counter impatiently waiting for the clerk to return.
Finally he saw him approaching.

"Okay Sir, here's a copy of the marriage certificate for yourselves, a
copy of the death certificate for Mr William Mulder and a copy of the
death certificate for Mr William Scully. Anything else I can do for
you?"

Mulder shook his head and flipped the clerk his credit card. While the
clerk processed the payment, Scully looked at the death certificate of
her father. She ran her fingers over it lightly and then looked up to
Mulder. "Same day," she mouthed to Mulder.

He reached over and quickly squeezed her hand, aware of the hope she had
harbored that her father was still alive.

After retrieving the credit card slip they walked outside and sat on a
nearby bench. The wind was a little chilly, and Scully pulled her trench
coat tighter around her.

Scully looked at the marriage certificate and grinned. "Gee Mulder,
we've only been married for 6 months; no wonder we're insatiable."

Mulder eyed her shapely legs peeking out from her coat and said, "Well
if she owns clothes like that suit you've got hidden under there I'm not
surprised."

Scully blushed at his slightly skewed compliment. "I'll have you know
Mulder that I *also* own this suit, and now that I know the effect it
has on you..." She didn't finish her sentence, leaving him to wonder if
she was implying she would wear it again, or *never* wear it again. He
hoped like crazy it was the former.

He cast his eyes down to his father's death certificate that he held in
his hand. He glanced at the date and started in surprise. "Scully, I
think we've found our butterfly."

She looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

"Scully, my father died when I was 12.  Three months *before* Samantha
was taken."

While she digested this information, he pulled out his cell phone and
began dialing a number.

"Mulder, who are you calling?"

"My Mom."

"Mulder, -"

He held his hand up to quiet her, and then indicated for her to listen
to the conversation. Resigned, she edged closer and pressed her ear to
his phone.

"Mom, it's me."

"Fox, sweetheart, how are you?"

"I'm fine Mom. Listen, I need to ask you a question. It may seem a bit
weird, but I'd really like you to answer. Mom, how did Dad die?"

There was a long silence on the end of the phone.

"Fox, are you okay?"

"Mom, I'm fine; I just need to know. Please," Mulder said in a tight
voice.

"But Fox, you were there. You were there when he died."

Mulder glanced at Scully in surprise.

"I know Mom, but can you just explain it to me?"

His mother sighed. "It was a car accident. We were going to pick up Sam
from ballet classes.  Normally just your father would pick her up, but
this time we all went, as we were going to a movie directly after.  The
brakes failed on the car and we ran into a tree. Fox, why are you asking
me this?  Surely you must remember. You have a scar on your shoulder as
a result of that accident. I'm in a wheelchair! And your poor
father...Fox, why are you asking me this?" she repeated.

"I'm sorry Mom, I just needed to make sure. I need to ask you one more
question, Mom.  Before the accident, did Dad ask you to choose between
me and Samantha?  Did he ask you who was your favorite?"

Again, there was silence, before his mother replied in clipped tones, "I
don't know what you are talking about Fox."

"Okay Mom. I'm sorry to have brought this up.  I love you. And Mom? It's
probably best if we don't talk about this again."

"Yes Fox, I think it probably is best. Your father was a good man, Fox."

"I know Mom. Bye," replied Mulder in a cracked voice.

Mulder put his phone away and looked at Scully with haunted eyes. "They
killed my father Scully. They killed him because he wouldn't participate
in their project."

Scully took Mulder's hand. "You don't know that Mulder.  It may have
been an accident."

Mulder shook his head. "You heard her, Scully. She knew what I was
talking about. He *did* ask her. Only in this world, he said 'No' to
them. So they killed him. One little word, Scully, is the difference
between their lives and ours. One little word."

Scully frowned.

"If he died," said Mulder patiently, "then he was no longer involved in
the conspiracy. If he wasn't involved, there was no need for them to
take Samantha - for whatever purpose they took her - and if Samantha was
never taken..."

"Of course," breathed Scully. "If Samantha was never taken, you had no
reason to pursue the X-files, I would never have been assigned to you, I
wouldn't have been abducted, Missy wouldn't have...Missy wouldn't have-"
She faltered, realizing the overwhelming consequences one person had
wrought on her life. A person she had barely met.

They sat in silence, each going through the consequences of their
discovery.

Mulder slowly shook his head, grief etched on his face. "My father," he
whispered, "All this happened because of my father."

He didn't say it, but Scully knew what he was thinking.

"Mulder," she said sharply, "This is NOT your fault. Don't take this
upon yourself! Godammit Mulder, every action, no matter how small, has a
consequence. Everything we do has a consequence; other people's actions
have consequences on us - consequences that we could never foresee. You
can't possibly blame yourself for what has happened to us. You can't
blame yourself for something your father did, or didn't do. Don't do
this Mulder!"

He looked at her with haunted eyes. "Scully, if you'd never met me, none
of this would have happened to you. You'd be healthy, Missy would be
alive. How can I not blame myself?"

Scully took a deep breath to calm herself before responding. "Mulder,
you've seen the same things I've seen over the last two days. Doesn't it
tell you one thing, above all else?" When he didn't respond she
continued. "Mulder, don't you think we are destined to be together, in
some way? Think about it. In this life we still managed to meet each
other, without the X-files, without me being assigned to you. We still
fell in -" She stopped, realizing what she had just been about to say,
but determined to plough on and finally give Mulder some inkling of how
she felt about him.  "We're together Mulder. And I think we're meant to
be together. Nothing you could have done could have prevented where we
are today. I really believe that. And you know what Mulder? Through
everything that has happened, I don't regret being with you. I wouldn't
trade our life for theirs. I wouldn't trade him for you."

He looked up from his hands, and saw the truth in her eyes.

"Do you mean that?" he whispered.

She nodded and leaned over, placing a soft kiss on his lips. It wasn't a
long kiss, it wasn't an erotic or particularly sexy kiss, but it was a
kiss filled with vulnerability and it was the bravest thing she'd ever
done.

"C'mon," she said softly. "I'm starved. Let's go eat before we make our
next move."

******

Mulder's apartment
9.00pm


Scully kicked her shoes off, wincing at her newly formed blisters. Dana
obviously has deformed feet, she thought grumpily.

Their investigation of the FBI offices had revealed little except that
the X-files didn't appear to exist, Dana and Fox worked in separate
departments, and Skinner was not their boss. Nobody had blinked an eye
at them, although admittedly most people had left for home by the time
they had arrived.  She had noticed Skinner, but he had walked past her
without a greeting (although she did notice him look her up and down, a
not entirely unpleasant experience.)

In her bare feet she walked into the kitchen to pull out some plates for
their dinner. Take-out again. At this rate, she was going to bust out of
this suit at about, she glanced at her watch, 9.15pm.

She sighed, feeling progressively more grumpy.

"What's up?" Mulder deposited the food on the table, and rummaging
through the bag for the kway toew, he began eating it straight out of
the container. Scully raised her eyebrow and looked pointedly at the
dinner plate she had just got out. When he deliberately didn't get the
message, she sighed heavily before picking up a container and starting
to eat.

"Nothing," she said shortly.

"What kind of nothing?"

"Sore feet nothing. Tight clothes nothing. Hungry stomach nothing."

"Well, the third thing will be fixed soon enough," he said pointedly,
noting the rate she was stuffing the noodles into her mouth. "As for the
second, I'd be happy to relieve you of your clothes. And I think a foot
massage will solve the first."

She shook her head at him, wondering what he would do if she took him up
on his offer. Probably run. "Thanks for the offer Mulder, but I think I
can undress myself. The foot massage, however, I might just take you up
on."

Half an hour later she did just that. Mulder's hands on her feet were
firm and warm, and she watched the look of concentration on his face
through her half closed lids.  She wondered if he realized how much of
an erogenous zone her feet were for her. Her arousal was dampened only
slightly by her complete exhaustion, and as she lay back on the sofa,
giving herself up to his ministrations, she thought she may have just
died and gone to heaven.

"Enjoying this Scully?" he asked as she let out a little sigh of
contentment.

"Mmmm."  More than you'll ever know Mulder.

His hands moved from her foot to her ankle then up her calf. Thank god
she'd waxed just recently. Oh, that felt good. She hadn't realized just
how tight her calf muscles were.  His hands moved higher, to her bare
thigh. She was wearing another pair of boxers, only this time she'd left
her panties on underneath, remembering Mulder's crack about the hole in
the front.  Thank God for that.  He kneaded her thigh muscle, releasing
all the tension that had built up. She groaned, partly in pain, partly
because she wanted him. Oh yes, she wanted him big time.

She opened her eye's just a crack and saw him smirking at her reaction.
Normally she would have jerked away from his touch at this, and thrown
him a caustic remark designed to prick his bubble of self satisfaction.
But there was nothing normal about their lives at the moment, and her
state of exhaustion and arousal combined to hold her captive to his
touch. Smug bastard. Cute bastard.

Scully drifted to sleep with that thought dancing in her head, still
dimly aware of Mulder's soothing hands brushing over her legs.

Mulder noticed the change in her breathing and realized she was dead to
the world. Not quite the effect he was hoping for, he thought with a
grin.

He thought about putting her to bed, but realized that he didn't want to
be alone. The realization caught him unawares. Fox Mulder, alien chaser
and profiler of sadistic murderers was scared. No, he was *petrified*.
Their situation was so far into the realms of science fiction that every
now and then he found himself wondering when he was going to wake up.
Having accepted the fact that this was (probably) not a bad dream, he
had to fight to stop a sense of desperation overwhelming him. What the
fuck were they going to do?

He grabbed the blanket from the floor and draped it over Scully's bare
legs that were still resting on his lap. He looked at her sleeping
peacefully, amazed that such strength could come in such a small
package. Apart from her outburst yesterday she had taken this in her
stride. Hell, she'd even managed to crack the odd joke with him, she
hadn't slugged him when he'd kissed her, she'd even kissed him on the
lips earlier that day - something that she'd never done before. Then
again, that was probably a good indication that she *was* feeling the
strain.  The Scully he knew only touched him in times of extreme
anxiety.

He flicked on the TV and then burrowed his hands under the blanket and
ran them up and down her silky legs. He'd tuck her in soon, he thought
drowsily.

Two hours later Mulder jerked his head up. Dammit! He'd fallen asleep,
with Scully still draped over him.  God, his neck was sore. He twisted
it around to get some movement back in it, and then extricated himself
from Scully's legs.  Gathering her up in his arms he took her into the
bedroom, marveling at how light she was.

He stopped at the edge of the bed, perplexed. He needed another arm to
pull back the covers. How did other people do this, he wondered. He was
sure he'd seen this scene in the movies many times, and they never
seemed to have any problems. Finally he bent down, Scully still in his
arms and grasped the covers with the tips of his fingers. Okay, on this
angle, she *was* heavy. Grunting slightly he dragged the covers back
and, back straining, lowered her gently onto the sheets.

She immediately snuggled into the pillow, and he pulled the covers up
over her shoulders. Leaning down, he brushed his lips over her cheek and
whispered, "G'night Scully."

Immediately her eyes snapped open and she caught him in a penetrating
stare. "Stay with me," she demanded, before closing her eyes again.

He paused at her bedside, dumbfounded. Had she just asked him to stay??
Was she awake when she asked him, or was that sleeptalking? Then again,
even if it was sleeptalking, did it matter? She wanted him to stay!  He
almost whooped with joy, and quickly stripped off his jeans before she
had a chance to change her mind.  Carefully he climbed into bed next to
her, wanting to bridge the gap between them and wrap his arms around
her, but afraid that this would be taking advantage of her.

Instead, he reached his hand out and looped his fingers gently through
her hair.

*****

Scully woke up in Mulder's embrace and wondered if she was experiencing
Groundhog Day. Frankly at this stage *nothing* would surprise her.

"Mulder."

"Mmph...go away Scully."

Scully smiled. Yep, definitely Groundhog Day.  And the erection was
there too, firmly nestled into her buttocks. This was getting to be a
habit, and a rather pleasant one at that. And although logically she
knew his morning erection had *nothing* to do with her, she couldn't
help but enjoy the fact that her gorgeous partner was wrapped around her
with a huge hard on. Still, she didn't think lying in bed with a
semi-naked aroused partner accorded with Bureau protocol, so she slipped
out of his arms and headed to the shower.

Mulder smiled and pulled her pillow to him. Not as good as the real
thing, but at least it smelled like her. He'd run and get some breakfast
in a moment. In a moment.

*****


"Mulder, chances are the Lone Gunmen don't even know you." A thought
struck her. "Maybe the Lone Gunmen don't exist."

"No, they exist Scully," Mulder said with conviction. "Just because
there are no X-files, doesn't mean there is no conspiracy. Doesn't mean
the government aren't performing clandestine experiments on the
population. And if it's happening, then the Lone Gunmen exist. The trick
is to convince them who we are, and what has happened to us."

The cab dropped them off one block down from the Lone Gunmen's place,
and as they approached the entrance Mulder began to look nervous.

"Be nice to Frohike," was the last thing he muttered to her before he
rammed on their door.

"We're not buying," came the terse response through the speaker.

"Ahh, we're not selling anything," responded Mulder.

"Well we're atheists who don't believe that donations to charity
actually end up *with* the charity, so I suggest you move on."

"Frohike, you don't know me, but I know you. We both know you," Mulder
said, moving aside so that Scully was within view of the camera they
knew the boys were looking through.

There was silence at the other end, until finally Byers spoke.

"How do you know Frohike?"

"We know all of you Byers. Hi Langley. Look, this is really hard to
explain standing on a doorstep, but we have information about a
government conspiracy that will blow your mind, and we also need your
help."

Mulder looked at Scully with raised eyebrows. He didn't think that it
was going to work - the boys were way too suspicious to let anyone in.
He pushed Scully forward slightly, indicating she should say something.

"Frohike," she appealed, "I know this sounds crazy, but we're telling
the truth. We have information that we think you will be interested in,
and we really, really need your help. We don't belong here, and you're
the only people we think who will understand the situation we're in.
Please?"

Whether it was Scully's beguiling tone or their piqued curiosity, they
let Scully and Mulder enter. Actually, Mulder was sure that as soon as
Frohike saw Scully they would let them in, and his suspicions were
confirmed when he saw Frohike's eyes travel the length of her body.

"Can we see some identification?" Byers asked formally.

Scully and Mulder waited for the inevitable reaction that would come
when the boys realized they were FBI.

"Aww shit, they're Feds," muttered Frohike as he looked at their ID.

"What do you want with us?" asked Byers calmly. "If you want to search
the place you do not appear to have a valid search warrant. If you - "

Mulder cut him off, exasperated, "Look, we don't want to search you,
arrest you, interrogate you; nothing like that. We have information for
you, and we need your help.  Maybe if you'd let us talk we could tell
you why we're here."

"Okay, talk," said Langley, arms folded.

Mulder and Scully looked at each other, unsure of the best way to start.
Finally, Mulder decided that starting with his alternate universe theory
may be a little too way out, even for them, so instead he opted for
revealing everything he knew and suspected about the government/alien
conspiracy. By the end of his 45 minute spiel, with Scully chiming in,
the Lone Gunmen were in his thrall.

"So you're telling us that the Government have been conducting
experiments on the general population to develop an alien-human hybrid?"
asked Langley.

"We suspected as much," added Frohike seriously.

"This is very important information. Why are you telling us?" asked
Byers guardedly.

"Because we believe you will do everything you can to try and uncover
the conspiracy. And because we need your help."

"To do what?"

"To get back...um...home." Mulder grinned slightly sheepishly. He
suddenly felt like ET.

All three stared at him until Langley broke the silence. "Can't you just
take the bus?"

Mulder chuckled. "We wish it was that easy. Have you ever heard anyone
propound the idea of alternate universes?"

"Yes," said Byers matter-of-factly. "When an important event occurs that
could go both ways the universe splits, with each version of the
universe taking a different path from that event. The theory states that
the universe is actually made up of many parallel universes that reflect
differences according to past events."

Scully smiled slightly and shook her head. Of course they *would* know
about alternate universes.

"Well I think something went wrong, and we appear to have ended up in a
universe where we already exist. We don't belong here."

All three of the Lone Gunmen turned to Scully, as if instinctively
realizing she was the more 'grounded' of the two.

"What do you think about this theory Agent Scully?" asked Byers.

"Well, I'm not sure I believe in the idea of alternate universes. But I
have seen the other Dana Scully and the other Fox Mulder and I can tell
you that neither Agent Mulder or myself are *meant* to have a twin.  I
have also seen other things that have shown me that this world is not
the same as it was 3 days ago. My sister died 3 years ago, yet in this
world she appears to be well and truly alive."

"Incredible," breathed Frohike.

"We need time to research this matter," said Byers, suddenly efficient.
"Do you know what the event was that caused this?"

Mulder and Byers began to animatedly discuss the possibilities, while
Langley held back observing the conversation. Frohike sidled up to
Scully. "So Agent Scully, you know me?"

She nodded and smiled to confirm.

"Do I look the same as the other me?"

"Exactly."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed. "So I'm not taller in your world."

"No sorry."

"Have we ever...?"

"Ever what Frohike?" asked Scully, highly amused.

"You know...shared intimacies."

"No, I'm sorry.  You have a gorgeous girlfriend, so...y'know," she added
in a flash of inspiration.

"Really?" he asked, delighted. "Gorgeous?"

"Stunning."

"Oh." Frohike wandered off with a far away look in his eyes. Scully
found herself a chair and watched Mulder and Byers. Mulder's enthusiasm
gave him a boyish sparkle and she took pleasure in simply sitting and
watching him, knowing that he was so engrossed he wouldn't notice.

Her mind wandered back to that morning, the feeling of his arms wrapped
around her, his body pressed against hers. She could get used to that.
She wondered what it would be like to actually be in a *relationship*
with Mulder. Would they fight about the toilet seat? His porn
collection? Her neat-freak habits? Probably.  Would those things be
enough to ruin their relationship? Probably not.

If anything were to destroy their relationship it would be work
pressures, stress, his desire to continually protect her, clashing
against her desire to be independent. Then again, those things hadn't
harmed their bond so far. They had managed to delineate boundaries of
respect and they remained together because of  mutual affection and
loyalty. And, at least on her part, love.

Her eyes shadowed over with melancholy. She had never intended to fall
in love with her partner. First there were professional implications,
although deep down if she was faced with a choice between Mulder and her
career, her career could take a short walk off a long pier.  God knows
she'd jeopardized it enough for him in the past.

No, the real problem she had was her gut feeling that Mulder could never
love her back in the way she would want. He had an obsessive personality
and his obsession was focussed on his quest for the truth. And while she
remained a part of his quest, she would remain a part of his obsession.
But realistically, she had to face the fact that she would never *be*
his obsession; she would always come second to his search for the truth.
And Dana Scully was not willing to settle for playing second fiddle. Not
even for Mulder.

Especially not for Mulder.

She sighed.

Even now, the fact that he did not love her cut like a knife through her
core. But the pain was bearable so long as she kept her own love for him
tucked away in a box in the corner of her soul. Unfortunately she was
finding this harder and harder to do, especially when his overt displays
of affection made her resolve weaken.  Like this morning, or last night,
when his hands had worked their magic on her legs, and his expression
had been one of infinite tenderness.

She thought back to yesterday when she had kissed him lightly on the
lips. This was not something she would normally do, but for once she had
felt an irresistible desire to reveal some of her feelings for him. At
that moment she had wanted to blurt out "I love you Mulder" but
thankfully she had restrained herself. She could never let him know how
she felt. The potential for rejection was huge, and something she would
never survive.

Her bigger fear, however, was that Mulder would tell her he loved her
too, out of some misguided attempt to keep her with him, by his side.
He had almost kissed her once when she had tried to leave, and he'd
never mentioned it again after she decided to stay. That hurt.

She sighed and deliberately stopped her train of thought. She had enough
troubles without mulling over the complexity of her feelings for
Mulder.  Getting up, she walked over to Mulder and Byers.

"Any ideas?" she asked addressing the question to Byers.

"The boys and I intend to do some research and speak to some contacts
about your situation. Maybe you should come back this evening - we
should have some information by then. In the meantime, do you need any
money? We can organize an anonymous cash account for you if really
necessary, although it is not something we like to do."

Mulder smiled. "It's okay, my credit card works here. Thanks anyway."

There was an uncomfortable pause when they realized they had said all
they could say about their present situation.

Finally, Byers broke the silence. "So how do you know us?" he asked
Mulder.

"I met you at a Computer and Electronics show in Baltimore in '89.  I
was looking for...a woman, and you were helping her."  He examined Byers
face for his reaction.

"Suzanne," said Byers softly.

Mulder nodded confirmation.

"You weren't the one looking for Suzanne," butted in Langley, who had
been listening to the conversation. "It was some other Fed...Reggie
something."

Mulder nodded slowly. "He was my partner in '89. But in *my* world, I
was at the Convention, not him.  Weird.  When it was over you took me
aside and told me everything you knew about the government's secret
policies. Since then you guys have helped me out more times than I can
say."

Byers nodded.

"So all that stuff you just told us...we know all that in your world?"
asked Langley.

"Yeah, you know it all," confirmed Mulder.

"Wow, I'm impressed."

"C'mon Mulder, we should let them get started," interrupted Scully.

"We'll expect you back at 9.00pm,"said Byers. "Hopefully we'll have
something by then."


************
Part 5 of 10
************

Mulder's apartment
7.30pm

Scully stood by the window, staring aimlessly out at the rain.  Mulder
was flipping through the TV channels.

"Hey, look at this Scully."

She turned around to look at the program he'd found. Something about
Antarctica.

"Hmmm," she said, only half trying to fake some interest. She turned
back to the window.

He rose from the sofa and came up behind her, standing close enough so
she could feel his body heat.

"What's wrong Scully?"

She shook her head. "Nothing Mulder, I'm fine."

He sighed. "Let's try again shall we?  What's wrong Scully?"

Now it was her turn to sigh. Why was he suddenly so persistent? 'I'm
fine' had worked in the past. "I'm frustrated Mulder. I feel as if I
should be out doing something instead of just waiting for the Lone
Gunmen to report back, but I don't know what to do. And now it's
raining," she said dolefully, placing her hand palm against the window
pane.

He placed his hand over hers against the window. She looked at it,
fascinated. Her hand completely disappeared under his.

"Wanna play a game to pass the time Scully?"

"A game?" repeated Scully dumbly, still staring at their hands.

"Yeah, y'know. Fun. How 'bout Scrabble - I saw it in the cupboard."

This piqued her interest. She loved games, but she hated losing them.
Scrabble with Mulder. She had a feeling she would lose.

"Is there anything else?" she asked.

"Cards?" He leaned slightly into her, pressing down on her hand. "We
could play strip poker."

"Mulder, I am not playing strip poker with you."

"Why not Scully? We've seen each other naked before. It's not like it
would be anything new," he said in a teasing voice.

"Mulder, when I saw you naked I was too worried about you to *look*. I
assume the same goes for you." God, he was exasperating.

"Oh no, I looked. Thank God for my photographic memory."

She could hear the grin in his voice and she cursed the blush she felt
rising. Slipping his hand out from under his she turned around, but he
quickly placed his other hand on the window, pinning her in.

She stood there, one eyebrow raised, willing him to back down.  Finally,
when he remained in one place grinning at her discomfiture, she said,
"Mulder I am *not* playing strip poker."

"Okay, how 'bout Truth or Dare. I have a question for you - when we had
that decontaminating shower, did you take a peek? Just a little one?"

Blushing furiously now, Scully glared at him. "Let's play Scrabble." She
ducked under his arm and went to get the Scrabble board.

***

"Mulder, 'dowler' is not a word."

"Sure it is Scully. It's a woodworking term."

She shrugged. "Okay."

She watched as he placed the letters on the board. Looking at his face
she realized he was smirking a little.

"What kind of woodworking term?" she asked suspiciously.

"Um...it's a kind of...glue."

"Mulder, you're lying," Scully said in amazement. "I can't believe it -
you cheat!"

"It's not cheating Scully, it's creative playing. If I can convince you
it's a real word, then I can use it. I always play like that. Hey, you
believed 'rodel' and 'schot'." He grinned disarmingly at her. But not
disarmingly enough.

"You big cheat! I believed you because I trusted you! You never told me
those were the rules." Furious, she picked up the board and dumped the
letters back in with the others.

"Hey, no fair," objected Mulder. "I was winning!"

"No Mulder, you were CHEATING!"

He held up his hands in defeat. "Okay okay. This time only real words. I
promise."

"Fine, but I go first," said Scully, sorting out the letters.

She looked at her new set of letters. Cheat. Well this time she was
going to win. No more Mrs Nice Guy.

She placed 6 letters on the board. "Peeled," she said triumphantly. "And
it's a double word score."

"Ooh thanks Scully, I needed that 'D'. N-A-K-E-D. Naked. Your turn." He
looked up at her, grinning wickedly.

She just shook her head.

Looking at her letters she frowned. They weren't very good. In fact they
were lousy. She could make only one word, and sighing she placed the
letters down.

N-U-D-E

"Scully," said Mulder in mock admiration. "Glad to see you're getting
into the spirit of the game."

Again, she chose not to respond.

Mulder grinned as he placed his letters down.

S-E-X-Y

He said nothing, just waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.  She
tried to glare at him, but couldn't stop a small smile from appearing.

She looked at the board, and then down at her letters.  She had two
choices. A very dull word, that would provoke no suggestive comments,
but would give her few points. Or a word that Mulder would have a field
day with, but would give her double the points. Her competitive streak
won.

L-I-C-K

"Scully," murmured Mulder, "are you trying to tell me something?"

"In your dreams Mulder," she said dryly.

Mulder collected up three letters in his hand.

"Y'know Scully, some people say that the words you choose in Scrabble
reflect your unconscious desires." He stared at her intently before
placing his letters down.

F-U-C-K

"You can't use that!" sputtered Scully.

"Why not?"

"It's a swear word!"

"I'm not using it as a swear word. I'm using it as an acceptable
alternative to sexual intercourse, copulation, making love...Scully."

She blushed...again.  Damn him.

"Mulder, it's a colloquialism. You can't use colloquialisms."

Mulder smirked. "So you don't want 'Fuck' Scully?"

She glared at him. He was too smug for his own good. Well two could play
this game. She leaned over so he had a good eyeful of cleavage and said
in a purring voice, "I never said I didn't *want* 'Fuck', I just don't
think it's appropriate for this game...Mulder."

She sat up, triumphant. His eyebrows nearly disappeared into his scalp
when she said that.

Her moment of triumph was short-lived. Someone was opening the front
door.

Both of them jumped to their feet, but they had no time to hide before
Fox walked in.

"Dana," he said in astonishment, before noticing Mulder.

"Shit!" He drew his gun out of his holster and aimed it at Mulder.

"Move away from him Dana. He's not me."  He looked shaken, and Scully
did as she was told.

Moving towards him she said, "Fox, it's alright. I know he's not you.
He's not dangerous. Give me the gun."

She held out her hand to take his gun, but he turned it on her, his eyes
panicked. "Dana? Dana?"  He hesitated as he looked at her more closely.
"You're not Dana. Those aren't her clothes. Who are you? Dammit - who
are you?"

Scully flinched, but kept her hand out for the gun. "Fox, I can explain,
but not with a gun pointed at me. Please," she said softly, "put the gun
away."

"Move over there," he said roughly, indicating the sofa with his gun.
"Both of you sit down, on your hands."

They did as they were instructed.

He pulled up a chair opposite them and sat down, gun still trained on
them.

"Now tell me who you are."

Scully began. "We're you and Dana, but we're different.  We're from
an...an alternate world. At least, that's the only explanation we can
come up with." She looked over at Mulder with a weak smile. "We were
involved in an explosion a few days ago, and when we woke up everything
seemed to be normal until we saw you and the other me. I don't know how
to explain it, and we don't know what to do about it, we only know what
has happened to us."

Fox nodded slightly. "We were involved in an explosion. We were walking
past a hospital when a bomb went off. We only got some scratches
though."  He indicated Mulder. "So you're telling me that *he* is me?"

Scully nodded.

Mulder smiled wryly. "A more fucked up version, but yes, essentially
that is what we believe."

"You've been using my flat."

"Sorry," said Scully. "We didn't really have anywhere else to go, and we
could tell that you didn't use it."

Fox paused, obviously thinking about what they said. He lowered the gun
slightly and said, "Tell me more."

Mulder let Scully do the talking. Instead he looked at his doppelganger,
marveling at just how much alike they were. His hands, his lips, even
the big nose. Frankly, it unnerved him. And he didn't like the way the
guy was looking at Scully.

Fox seemed willing to believe their story.  That was hardly surprising,
reflected Scully.  He *was* another Mulder, after all.

He seemed keen to learn about their lives, but his questioning was
interrupted by Mulder looking at his watch.

"Shit, I told the Gunmen that I'd be over at their place at 9.00 to see
if they'd found anything. I'd better go. Scully, do you want to come, or
should I come and get you if they've got anything?"

"I'll stay with Fox," she said. She wanted to speak to him, discover
just how much he was, or was not, like Mulder.

"I'll just call Dana, she might be worried," muttered Fox.

While Fox was on the phone, Mulder whispered to Scully, "Are you sure
you'll be okay with him?"

He looked worried and she smiled to reassure him. "I'll be fine Mulder.
Really."

He placed his hand softly against her cheek and leaned over to kiss the
other one. "I won't be long."

When Fox was off the phone they faced each other uneasily.

"This is weird," he said finally.

"I know," she agreed. They sat there looking at each other, while she
racked her brains for a way to open conversation.  Remembering the wine
in the kitchen, she decided that a little lubrication might be in order.
"Maybe a glass of wine would help?"

He nodded and she went into the kitchen to pour them both a glass.  When
she returned he was looking at the Scrabble board with amusement.

"Dana won't let me use 'Fuck'," he said.

"Well I *was* arguing the point just before you arrived."

"It's a colloquialism," they both said together, and then laughed.

They sat down on the sofa, and looked at each other.

"Amazing," he said. "Even the same freckles."

"You know all her freckles?" asked Scully, one eyebrow raised in
disbelief.

He laughed. "I do, and I know that eyebrow well. Very Dana."

She asked him questions about his life, although she couldn't bring
herself to ask him about his life with Dana. The feelings from the other
day were still too raw.

Eventually he smiled at her and said, "My turn for some questions I
think. So, are you two a couple?"

"No," she said quickly, "we're partners.  We're good friends, very good
friends, but we're not a couple."

Fox looked at her, noticing her discomfiture.

"But he loves you," he said softly.

"No he doesn't," she said with a trace of irritation. "At least, not in
that way - he loves me as a friend,  but that's it."

"You're wrong," said Fox.  "I can tell by the way he looks at you.  It's
like watching a mirror of myself with Dana. I saw the way he looks at
you,  touches you.  He may not have told you, he may not have even
figured it out himself, but he loves you."

Scully felt her flesh pebble into goosebumps at his words.  A lump rose
in her throat.  How could she explain to him that she and Mulder led
such different lives to their counterparts?

"Do you love him?" he asked gently.

Scully stood up and walked over to the window.  This was not a question
that she wanted to answer.

She didn't turn around at his chuckle.

"That is *such* a Dana thing to do.  She always turns her back on me
when she doesn't want to answer a question.  Let me answer for you then
- you do.  You look at him like Dana looks at me,  only you try and hide
it.  You do it when he's not looking.  Why don't you tell him?"

Scully suddenly found herself threatened with tears.  She took in a deep
shuddering breath to bring herself under control.

"It's not that easy," she said haltingly. "Things are different for us.
Our lives...our lives are not our own."

Suddenly she found herself wanting to tell him everything.

"I'm infertile because of what they did to me.  Mulder lost his sister
because of them.  My sister was murdered by them." Ferociously she wiped
away the few tears that had managed to fall down her cheeks. "We don't
even know who 'they' are. We're not like you and ..."  She wasn't able
to refer to 'herself' as Dana.

She started when she felt Fox's hands on her shoulders.

"I know you're not Dana," he murmured, "but if this was Dana I would hug
her.  Can I hug you?"

Scully nodded.  She needed his comfort.  No, she needed Mulder's
comfort,  but she knew that she would find it harder to accept sympathy
from Mulder.  Fox turned her around and pulled her into his embrace.
Scully fought unsuccessfully to hold back her tears and then she was
crying; weeping for all she was worth.  When she had calmed a little, he
pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and she wiped her eyes and nose
with it.

"Thanks," she whispered.  She didn't pull back from him.  He felt so
good - like Mulder,  only safer.  She smiled wryly at this thought.  Her
therapist would have a field day with this one.

She turned her head into his neck and breathed him in.  He smelt similar
to Mulder, but not quite the same.  The aftershave was different,  but
the underlying 'Mulder' smell was very similar.  He wrapped him arms
tighter around her,  and she relaxed into the embrace.

His hands rubbed her back soothingly and he rocked her slightly.

"It's okay," he murmured,  even though both of them knew it wasn't.

Scully slipped her arms under his jacket and pressed closer into him.
This felt illicit,  but she was past caring.  She didn't want him,  but
she wanted his warmth, his solid physical presence.  She wanted to be
close to Mulder, without worrying about the consequences.

"It was you that I kissed wasn't it?" he asked abruptly, interrupting
her thoughts.

Scully blushed.  "Sorry," she muttered.

"Hey, don't be sorry.  It's funny though,  it felt kinda different.  Not
enough for me to worry at the time, but now it seems obvious. Sorry
about groping you."

Scully smiled into his chest. "Don't worry about it. So are you saying
that she is a better kisser than me?"

"Not at all - just different.  Nothing I can really put my finger on. It

feels kind of weird now though.  I kissed Dana,  but I didn't.  Weird."

They were silent again.

"Have you kissed him?"

Scully started at the question, and felt him tighten his grip slightly
on her.  She nodded. "Once."

"So who's better - him or me?" he asked teasingly into her ear.

She laughed.  "That is such a Mulder question.  I'm surprised he hasn't
asked me the same thing."

"Well?"

She smiled as she thought the question over. "Well, let's see.  When I
was kissing you I was petrified that you would realize I wasn't really
her.  When I was kissing him I was just plain petrified.  So honestly,
I don't think my powers of observation were at their highest either
time."

He chuckled softly and they swayed gently together for a further while,
neither wanting to break their embrace.

"Does he eat sunflower seeds?" he asked suddenly.

"He does actually.  Why?"

"No reason." He sounded embarrassed.

Scully pulled her head back to look at him.  He was blushing.

"Why?" she asked again, "And don't say no reason."

"Um...Dana always says...that my tongue is...um...nimble, because I'm
always eating them."  His blush grew brighter and she laughed.

"Well for the record,  I think I will agree with her...me...whatever.
In relation to both of you."

She leaned her head back against his chest.

"Thanks Fox,  I feel better," she said softly.

He leaned down and kissed the top of her head.  "Does he hold you like
this?" he asked.

"When I let him. Which is not often."

"You should let him more often then.  Why don't you?"

She shrugged.  When she realized he was patiently waiting for her to
answer him, she continued hesitantly. "I guess I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"I don't know.  Lots of things.  I'm afraid he won't want me.  I'm
afraid he will want me, but for the wrong reasons.  I'm afraid if I let
him too close...I'll get hurt."

She realized she was talking about something more than just Mulder
holding her.  She sighed.  "We're pretty fucked up."

He chortled at her bluntness and squeezed her.

Their embrace was interrupted by Mulder opening the door and striding
in.

Scully and Fox jumped apart.  Scully knew she looked guilty,  even
though their embrace had been totally innocent.  For his part,  Mulder
looked furious.

"Sorry to interrupt," he said icily.

"Mulder..." she began, and then stopped.  Why should she have to explain
what happened?  If he wanted to jump to conclusions that was his
problem.  He should know himself better than that anyway, she thought
with grim humor.


************
Part 6 of 10
************

The Red Parrot
11.30pm

On the way to the nightclub Mulder briefed Scully on what the Lone
Gunmen had found. Or rather *who* the Lone Gunmen had found.

They had put a message out to their various contacts that they needed
information on alternate universes. It was a long shot, but they'd come
up short everywhere else, and as it turned out, it paid.  Someone had
contacted them by email.

Byers had been excited when explaining to Mulder who this person was.
Drew Sanderson, 19 years old and apparently a genius, was well known to
many of the Lone Gunmen's contacts.  Although when Mulder has asked why
he was considered to be a genius, Byers was unable to say.  He just kept
repeating that according to his contacts, Drew had an insight into
problems that went way beyond his years. And according to Drew's email,
he had information that may be beneficial to Mulder and Scully.

When they reached the nightclub, they checked in their jackets before
pushing their way through the crush of people.

Mulder tugged at Scully's t-shirt and indicated the balcony on the level
above. She nodded and looked around to find the stairs.  When they had
found a place pressed up against the balcony and overlooking the stage,
Mulder squeezed back through the swirling mass of people to get them a
drink.  Scully looked after him with amusement. He had said nothing
about finding her in Fox's arms, but he hadn't been able to hide his
annoyance and what appeared to Scully to be jealousy.

On his return he found Scully engaged in conversation with someone who
looked at least a decade younger than her. He paused to watch her as she
laughed at something he said, noticing how the tight skirt showed off
her hips and bottom. No wonder she had him drooling over her.

He walked over and cut in, muttering to her admirer, "Hand's off. Go
find someone your own age, kid."

Scully shook her head at him and took the drink he offered. Pressing up
on her toes she said close to his ear, "There was no need for that
Mulder - he was sweet."

"Sweet my ass, Scully. If I'd waited any longer he would have had you
bent back over the balcony."

She smirked at him. Jealous, Mulder?

A screech of a speaker announced that the band was about to start and
the crowd surged forward, pressing them up against the barrier. Mulder
positioned himself behind Scully, partly so she wouldn't get crushed,
and partly so nobody else would be rubbing up against her.  If anyone
was going to do that, it was going to be him.

The music started without a word of introduction from the band members,
and Mulder was surprised at how mellow it was. He'd been expecting
thrash or something equally as horrible, but the music was funky and
rather sultry. He was glad he'd checked in his jacket, as he was already
starting to sweat. He wondered which band member they were meant to be
meeting.  Frankly, none of them looked like the genius Byers claimed.

Another surge of people pushed him up against Scully, causing him to
almost spill his drink on her. Tilting his head back he finished it off,
leaning over to place the empty bottle on a nearby table.  He placed
both hands on either side of Scully against the waist level wooden
balustrade she was leaning on and said into her ear, "Good music, huh?"

She nodded, tilting her head back briefly to flash him a smile. She was
moving in time to the music and seemed to be mesmerized by the sight of
the band. Mulder chuckled to himself - it had been a while since either
he or Scully had seen the inside of a nightclub, unless she had some
double life he didn't know about.

He felt Scully's bottom brush against his groin as her hips swayed.
Whoa, that was an unexpected sensation.  He tried to pull his body from
hers, but the crush of people behind him prevented that.  Scully's hips
swayed persistently and he felt himself becoming erect. Shit. As the
music picked up beat, so did her hips and he started to panic. A morning
erection could be explained away, but this could not. He swallowed.  She
was bound to notice soon - in fact a part of him felt rather deflated
that she had not done so already. He glanced down at her, but she
appeared to be focussed solely on the band. Again her bottom brushed
against his erection, this time more forcefully.

Enough. Either she was totally oblivious to her surroundings or she was
playing a dangerous game. Either way it had to stop, before he couldn't.

He reached down and clamped her hips in his hands, causing them to
still.  She froze, and then still looking straight ahead moved her hips
slowly, pressing her bottom directly into his groin.

Fuuck. He grimaced with pleasure. She *was* playing a dangerous game,
and it looked as if she didn't want to stop. Jeeesus Christ, this was
fucking incredible. His gorgeous partner of 7 years was deliberately
rubbing against his erection, slowly and sensually. He glanced down
again at her profile, almost as if he needed to check that it *was*
her.  Her face betrayed nothing, her eyes fixed on the band, her lips
wrapped around the straw of her drink.

In fact her face was so impassive that for a second he wondered if her
touch was accidental. Until she moved again, this time more firmly.

She knew exactly what she was doing.

His hands slip around to the front of her hips, his fingers splayed out
across her stomach and hip bones. He pulled her slowly into him and
gently thrust against her. "Scully," he breathed into her ear, unsure if
she could even hear him above the music.

Scully swallowed. She couldn't believe she had just done that. But when
she'd felt his erection pressing against her lower back she had been
taken by surprise by the waves of desire that had overcome her. As if
her body was not her own, she had pressed back into it, and now his arms
were wrapped around her and he was swaying to the music in rhythm with
her.

His hand slid slowly up her torso until it came to rest just under her
breast. She stiffened slightly, but he made no move to go any higher.
Relieved, she relaxed a little. They were just dancing. Nothing wrong
with dancing - they'd done it before. Admittedly not quite as close as
this, and she didn't recall an erection pushing into her back the last
time. But it *was* crowded. So far they had done nothing that they could
not step back from if they needed to.

Until his thumb brushed lightly over the underneath of her breast,
causing her to gasp. It must have been an accident, she thought hazily.
He didn't mean to do that.

Or that.

She bit her lip to stop herself from moaning. She wasn't wearing a bra,
and the heat of his thumb was burning into the sensitive flesh of her
breast.

Still, she could reason away his actions. He was caught up in the music,
unaware of his thumb brushing lightly against her. It was an accident,
or at the very least, it was something subtle enough to safely consider
an accident. They were dancing like shaky tight rope walkers down *that*
line, but they had not quite crossed it.

Together they moved in a slow hypnotic rhythm, hips grinding together,
sweat mingling through their t-shirts. Scully tilted her head back ever
so slightly, although she still kept her eyes focussed on the stage
below them and an impassive expression on her face.

Mulder grinned. This was very Scully. Even through their slow seduction
she was managing to appear cool, calm and collected. If anyone was
watching them it would appear as if she was completely unaware of the
drooling idiot draped all over her.

Well he intended to change that.

He bent his head down and whispered something about the music in her
ear, making sure his lips grazed the delicate edge of her ear in the
process. He felt a tiny tremor run through her body. Mental note: Scully
has sensitive ears.

He started whispering into her ear, saying anything at all just to
maintain an excuse to keep his lips brushing her ear. He kept up a
constant stream of inane comments on the people around them, the music,
the band members, all the while aware that Scully's breathing was more
rapid than usual and her head had tilted slightly to give him greater
access to her ear.

He smirked. She was enjoying this, even if she was pointedly staring at
the band and pretending to ignore him. Feeling more daring, and
determined to break down her barriers, his tongue flicked out and
lightly licked her neck. Her skin was salty with sweat and her musky
aroma was driving him wild.

Scully stiffened and stopped moving to the music. Was that Mulder's
tongue? It was such a light touch that she was unsure, but it felt wet
and warm.  A shiver ran through her body.

No Dana, it couldn't be, she told herself.  It must have been a drop of
sweat landing on her neck. It was very hot and she could feel sweat
beading between her breasts. That was it, she concluded. Sweat.

Mulder was surprised. Scully hadn't reacted at all. For a cold, sinking
moment he wondered if he was reading something into her body language
that wasn't there at all. Maybe her brushing up against him *was* an
accident.  Maybe she had no attraction for him whatsoever. But then he
thought about it. He had a huge hard-on pressing into her back, and she
could definitely feel it and she was making no move away from it. She
may be in serious denial, but she wanted this as badly as he did.

He hoped.

He knew Scully well enough to know that this would not be an easy leap
for her to take. And he knew that if he didn't take her hand and force
her to make the leap with him, it would probably never happen.

Tonight he intended on making the leap.

He ran his hands firmly back down her torso until they stopped at the
front of her hips, framing the triangle between her legs. His fingers
ached to sidle across and caress her there, but he was not that brave.
Instead he contented himself with pulling her hips hard into him and
swaying together with the music.

Scully swallowed. Mulder's fingers were only inches away from where she
was burning to feel his touch. Good God, how had this happened!  One
minute they were innocently dancing - okay, maybe not so innocently -
and the next she was quivering with desire for him. Dammit Mulder!  Was
he doing this deliberately?

Pull yourself together Dana, she thought, closing her eyes briefly. It
wouldn't do to completely dissolve into a puddle of Dana-goo. Not now.

These feelings for Mulder were not new to her, but they had never been
this strong. Not that she would give in to them - the consequences of
allowing herself one night of pleasure with her partner would not be
easy for her to handle. Far better to not give in in the first place.
She grit her teeth and lifted her head to focus on the band.

They swayed together, both engrossed in their own thoughts, until the
set ended. When the music finished the crowd pulled back a little,
allowing Mulder to step back from Scully.

When she turned around, she found she couldn't meet his eye.

Mulder sighed. Typical Scully. Well he wasn't going to let her withdraw
from him. Not this time. He ran a finger down her cheek until it rested
under her chin and the tilted her head up so that she was forced to look
at him. She seemed embarrassed, yet defiant, as if she was expecting him
to tease her. Instead he tried to convey with his eyes what he couldn't
yet say with his lips.



He smiled at her, and after a pause, she smiled back. Relief washed over
him. Maybe she wasn't going to hide from this. And maybe he was finally
going to have the courage to do what he should have done years ago.

Slowly he bent his head forward, eyes locked with hers.

"Mulder, Dana. I'm Drew."

Dammit!  Mulder turned around with a glower at the young man standing
before them.

"Let's go somewhere quieter to talk." said Drew. "Follow me."

Resigned, Mulder followed him. He grabbed hold of Scully's hand; partly
so she wouldn't lose him in the crowd, but mostly because he didn't want
to lose physical contact with her. He was afraid that if he let go of
her physically, she would start to withdraw mentally.  For reasons known
only to her, Scully had crashed through one of her walls, and he didn't
want to give her the chance to rebuild.

"Cigarette?" offered Drew, when they reached the back room.

Both Scully and Mulder shook their heads in unison.

"Sorry, forgot. You don't smoke. So, Byers told me about your problem.
He said you wanted to talk to me."

"He said you may have information that can help us," said Scully
formally, wondering why this young man seemed to know them.

"Well, I don't know about that. I have information I s'pose, but whether
it can help you is another thing."

He took another drag on his cigarette, and seemed to be assessing them.

"It happened to me too," he finally said. "When I was sixteen.  I was
involved in an accident. A terrible accident."

He shook his head at the memory. "I should have died, but I just got up
and walked away with only a few scratches. I was kinda dazed, y'know? In
shock I guess...so I didn't speak to anyone, there were police and
ambulances, but I just got up and walked away. I walked all the way home
- 2 hours it took me. When I got home, nobody was there. Mum didn't work
or anything, so I wasn't sure where she was. Dad was still at work, but
as it was his car that I'd just written off, I didn't want to call him.
So I just sat there, on the sofa, waiting for someone to come home.
Eventually I got bored, and a bit uneasy. It was so quiet at home and
Mum should have been home. So I turned on the TV. The News was on, and I
wasn't really watching - just kinda staring at it. Until a story came on
about a terrible accident. My accident. They said my name on the news
and said I'd been terribly injured and rushed to hospital. My first
thought was mistaken identity...until they showed a shot of someone
being taken out of the ambulance on a stretcher, and they did a close
up. It was me. God, it was me!"

Drew paused, and inhaled deeply on his cigarette, hands shaking
slightly.

"Funny thing was, right away I thought - shit, I'm dead. I'm a ghost."
He laughed, "I read a lot of horror stories and science fiction as a
kid," he said by way of explanation.  "I started running around the
house like a madman, seeing if I could walk through walls. I found out
pretty quickly that I couldn't. So then I thought - hey, this must be an
alternate universe. Like I said - I read a lot of science fiction. I
looked around to see if there was anything different. And there was -
just little things, but it was definitely different. You have no idea
how that feels - " He stopped suddenly. "Sorry, I guess you do."

"Anyway, I didn't really know what to do, but I figured that it was an
anomaly, and it would just snap back or something.  I thought about
waiting for Mom and Dad to come back so I could explain it to them, but
I had enough common sense to realize that they wouldn't really
understand," he said with a self-deprecating grin. "Hi Mom, I'm your
*other* son from a parallel universe. Mind if I hang here until I can
find my way back?" He laughed at the thought.

"I visited myself at the hospital, just to make sure it was me. It was
me alright. The first few nights I spent on the streets - I was
terrified y'know? Jeez, I was just a 16 year old kid.  I hung around
near home a lot, at night time so nobody could see me. It was kind of
comforting to be near my Mom and Dad at least, even if I couldn't talk
to them. Eventually the other me was released from hospital, but he was
a paraplegic. That really did it for me - I just couldn't watch him. So
I left, moved to another city and everything. I hung out on the streets
at first, and then got myself involved in a subversive sub-culture -
that's how I met the Lone Gunmen, although I haven't told them that I
knew them. I knew you guys too. Or rather, I knew *of* you guys."

Scully and Mulder exchanged glances.

"I kept track of Mom and Dad, and the other Drew. He did alright,
y'know? But I was hell lonely. I didn't tell anyone what happened to me,
not even the Lone Gunmen. I didn't think anyone would believe me. It was
tough - I had no identity, no social security number. Couldn't get a
proper job, couldn't open a bank account *legally*; basically I couldn't
live a real life. I had some friends, but they were more acquaintances
than friends, and I never had a relationship that lasted more than a
couple of weeks. I was too afraid that I would be found out."

He sighed. "You guys are lucky that you have each other."

Drew lit up another cigarette and gazed into space, deep in thought.

"So how did you get back?" prompted Mulder softly.

"Well, I don't know for sure. Finally the loneliness got to me. 25 years
is a long time to be alone."

Scully gasped and sat down heavily on a nearby chair. 25 years!  Her
eyes sought out Mulder's and he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"So I killed myself. I just couldn't handle it anymore. And instead of
dying, I woke up from a coma 3 months after the accident. Only I
recovered, with no real side effects, unlike the other Drew. I was
sixteen again."

"Drew, with all due respect, how can you be sure that your memory is not
the memory of a dream from your time in a coma?" asked Scully.

"I can't be," he replied simply. "I didn't actually remember it when I
woke up. But for months after I had a strong feeling that I was missing
something, that I had forgotten something. Finally the feeling was so
strong that I underwent hypnotherapy, and it sparked my first memory.
After that, the memories came thick and fast."

He shrugged. "I'm not asking you to believe me, I'm just telling you
what happened to me. But I think you do believe me. It's happening to
you - why wouldn't you believe me?"

"So you're actually 41 years old?" asked Mulder.

"Umm, 44 mental years, I guess. But I'm 19," he said decisively.

Scully looked skeptical. "You seem 19, not 44," she said, casting an eye
over his tattooed body.

"That's right," he said proudly. "Look, I've been given a second chance
at life. I was a timid kid when the accident happened, and then after it
happened I lived 25 years in fear. Now I get another chance, and I
intend to live my life as if everyday could be my last. I'm trying
everything!"  With a wicked grin he lifted his shirt to show off his
nipple piercing. "Man, I've tried almost every drug known to mankind -
well not all. I may be adventurous, but I'm not stupid. And sex! Can you
imagine putting what a 44 year old knows into a 19 year old body. The
girls love me! You're right Dana, I seem 19. I am determined to be a 19
year old again."

Mulder frowned. "So this means you've seen the future."

"I've seen the future of another world, not this one," said Drew firmly.

Mulder opened his mouth but before he could talk, Drew held his hand up.
"Don't bother. I won't tell you anything."

"I just want to know -"

"No! Don't you understand? If I tell you *anything* you won't be able to
help yourself acting on it. Anything I say may cause you to do something
you may not otherwise do and that could cause the future to change. I
won't tell you anything Mulder, so just drop it."

Mulder scowled, but recognized the logic in what he said.

"So let me get this straight," said Scully slowly. "Are you suggesting
the way to fix this is for us to *kill* ourselves?"

"Whoa, whoa! I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just telling you what
happened to me, that's all. You decide what *you* want to do. I don't
know if that was the reason I ended up back here - it may have been
something that occurred coincidentally at the same time I decided to off
myself."

Scully turned to Mulder. "I want to go. We need to think about this."

She turned back to Drew. "Thanks for your time. For the record, I
believe you. And I liked your music."

"Thanks." He smirked, "I could see you were enjoying yourselves. It's
about time too," he added cryptically.

Scully blushed and walked back out into the throbbing crowd, with Mulder
close behind.

After retrieving their coats, Mulder and Scully exited onto the street.
Back in the fresh air Scully took some deep breaths. She was shaken to
the core by Drew's story. She knew she couldn't kill herself.

"Godammit, I'm Catholic," she muttered, and then laughed bitterly at her
choice of words. Some Catholic.

She looked up at Mulder who was staring at her. No, he was *gazing* at
her.  With bedroom eyes. Damn, he had lousy timing. She turned away from
him and began walking aimlessly away from the nightclub.  The fresh air
was clearing her mind and a part of her began to feel embarrassed about
what had happened in the nightclub. She should never have let it go that
far.

"Mulder, we need to find somewhere quiet where we can talk about this,"
she said firmly.

"Not tonight Scully," he said in a husky voice. "Tonight we're going to
put this to the back of our mind."

"Mulder, we can't just ignore this. We have to talk about it, *now*."

"Not tonight Scully," he repeated, stepping closer to her.

"Why not tonight?" she asked irritated. God, he could be *so* contrary
when he wanted to be. "Why not tonight, Mulder?"

"Because tonight I'm going to make love to you for the first time, and I
would like your undivided attention."


************
Part 7 of 10
************

"Because tonight I'm going to make love to you for the first time, and I
would like your undivided attention."

Her eyes opened wide and she stepped back against the wall. Suddenly she
needed support. Had he just said what she thought he'd just said?  A
wave of panic began to well up. She couldn't.  Her world was topsy turvy
enough. She couldn't. If she did, she would fall irrevocably in love
with him and then she would be lost. She couldn't.

"Mulder..."

Sensing what she was about to say, he stepped forward and pushed her
hard into the wall with his body. "Don't say it Scully. Don't say you
don't want me. Don't say it."

And not giving her a chance to say anything, he lowered his head and
kissed her. Finally.

Instantly she was swept away by her burning *need* for him. All thoughts
of consequences were lost from her mind. This was no longer about want.
She needed him like she needed oxygen. She opened her mouth to his
searching tongue and he slid it along the roof of her mouth, demanding
and desperate. She moaned and slipped her hands up around his neck,
trying to get a better hold on him. He heaved her up so that she was at
eye level with him, pressed up against the wall, feet dangling. She
wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him hungrily, oblivious to
the fact that her skirt had ridden up to the top of her thighs.

He refused to release her mouth, determined to taste every inch of her.
He thrust his tongue back into her, and hers fought back, slipping and
sliding together.  Finally he drew back, drawing in a deep breath of
air.

"I'm taking you home," he said huskily.

She could only nod.

Mulder hailed a cab, and getting in he pulled her roughly so that she
fell on top of him. Barely managing to give the driver his address he
began kissing her desperately. With one hand clamped on the back of her
head he used the other to pull her closer, so she was lying awkwardly
across his chest. His tongue sought hers and his lips crushed against
hers.

She returned his kisses with equal passion. Okay, she wanted him. She
*really* wanted him. She no longer cared if the world exploded because
of her actions - she was going to have this man.  After exhaustively
exploring his mouth, she drew back and climbed off him.

"My lips, I think they need a rest."

He smiled. Her lips were very puffy, and he leaned forward so that his
mouth was millimeters from hers.

"Sore, huh? Sorry." His tongue darted out and gently licked her lips.
Her stomach flipped at the eroticism of his gesture. Noting the effect
he was having on her, he did it again, this time tickling the underside
of her top lip with his tongue. Her mouth fell open and, with lips only
just grazing hers, he worked his tongue in, teasing her gums and teeth.
Her tongue reached out to his, and they tongue kissed languorously,
reveling in the sensation of their tongues stroking while their lips
barely touched.

They stopped when Mulder realized the cab driver was getting an eye
full.

"Why do I get the feeling we're going to find ourselves stars on 'Taxi
Cab Confessions'? murmured Mulder.

Leaning forward he said, "I'll give you an extra twenty if you keep your
eyes on the road and nowhere else - understand?"

Returning to Scully's side, he placed a hand on her inner thigh, just
above her knee. As he slowly ran his hand up her leg he leaned forward
and whispered into her ear, "I want you Scully. I've wanted you ever
since you first walked into my office. Do you know how many times I've
imagined touching you, tasting you? You drive me wild."

"Mulder,-" was all she managed to croak out, before his fingers touched
her between her legs and she stopped mid-sentence.

"Scully, you're not wearing anything under your pantyhose."

She smiled slightly, mesmerized by the look of hunger in his eyes. God,
he looked beautiful when he was aroused. His pupils were dilated and
small beads of sweat had formed on his forehead. His mouth was slightly
parted and it was all she could do not to launch herself towards him to
try and crawl into it.

And then he touched her again, and she forgot all about his mouth.

"Are these expensive Scully?"

She shook her head slowly, captivated by his eyes and the feeling of his
searching fingers.

"Good." With a small movement he tore a hole in her pantyhose, and then
his finger was rubbing against her, slipping in her moisture.

"Oh my god," she whispered. "Oh..."

Quickly he slipped his finger into her and her muscles clenched around
him. They both paused as they took in the sensation and looked at each
other. The giddy realization hit them at they same time - they were
really going to do this!

He grinned and kissed her lightly. Slowly, ever so slowly, he began
moving his finger inside her, not losing eye contact with her even for a
second. She drew in a shuddery breath and licked her lips.  Completely
mesmerized, she watched him withdraw his finger and slip it into his
mouth, sucking her juices from it. Then he leaned forward and murmured,
"You taste better than I ever imagined."

He kissed her deeply again, and she could taste herself on his tongue.
Nobody had ever done that to her before. Ever.

The cab arrived at Mulder's apartment and he tossed the driver way too
much money.

With great haste they made their way into his apartment. Mulder paused
only to flip on a lamp, before he pulled Scully into a crushing embrace.
As they kissed, she pushed his jacket off his shoulders so that it fell
on the floor, and began unbuttoning his shirt.

"Wait," said Mulder hoarsely, grabbing hold of her hands to stop her.

At her surprised look he said, "I need to tell you something before we
do this."

He let go of her hands, and gently clasped her face. "Scully,...I love
you."

Her eyes widened and for a long moment she said nothing, while she
processed what he had just said. Finally she said gently, "Mulder, you
don't need to tell me you love me to get me to have sex with you. I want
to do this."

At her words, he reeled back, hurt and anger engulfing him.

"You think I said that to get you into bed?? You think I said that just
so I could *fuck* you?"

"No Mulder, that's not what I meant.  I just meant...I just meant that
you don't have to love me. It's okay, it's okay if you..." she trailed
off as he looked at her, aghast.

"You don't believe me. You don't believe that I love you." He paused as
an even more horrifying thought came to him. "Or you don't love me.
Which is it Scully? Which is it?!"

She shook her head, unable to answer.

Finally she said, "I believe that you think you love me."

He slumped down onto the sofa, placing his head in his hands. She stood
there uncertainly for a moment, aching to go to him, but knowing that
would not help either of them.  So she left him there, and went into the
bedroom alone.

Safe behind the closed door she allowed herself to start crying.  What
the fuck was wrong with her? He'd told her he loved her, and she'd
thrown it back in his face. Why?

Because she didn't believe him. She *couldn't* believe him. She'd worked
with him for seven years. She *knew* him, and she knew that his first
love was his search for the truth. He may think he loved her, but given
a choice between the truth, or her, she knew which one he would take.
And it killed her to know this.

Tears running down her face, she hurled a pillow across the room. Fuck
you Mulder! Fuck you for doing this to me!  Now she was heaving with
sobs, and she buried her face in the covers so that he wouldn't hear.
She knew she had hurt him, but if she'd allowed herself to believe his
words, it would have been her who was hurt.

She was ready to accept a one night stand; an outburst of passion that
they could explained away as a reaction to their stressful situation.
She could have moved on from that. Why did he have to bring love into
it?

****

4.30am

Mulder heard the door of his bedroom open. Hope flared in him, but died
again as he heard her go into the kitchen and open the cupboard for a
glass. He listened to her pour a glass of water.

As she left the kitchen she came to the entrance of the living room, and
paused. She turned to leave again, and he said softly, "Why don't you
believe me?"

She jumped, startled.

He sat up and looked in the direction of her silhouette.

"Why?"

Frozen to one spot she took a sip of water while she collected her
thoughts.

"Mulder, do you really want to talk about this now?"

"Dammit Scully, why don't you believe me!?" he repeated loudly.

"Okay, this is why. You've spent your entire life, from the age of 12,
searching for the truth about your sister. Everything else in your life
is second-fiddle to that overriding quest of yours. I think you love me
in your own way Mulder, but only as a person who is part of your quest.
If I was to remove myself from your life, you would move on from that. I
am not your reason for being. And to me, that's what love is."

"You're wrong Scully.  You *are* my reason for being. My search for the
truth is a search for *your* truth too Scully. Yes, I want to know what
happened to my sister. But God, I want to know what happened to you just
as much, if not more. I want to find out who abducted you, what they did
to you, why they did it. But if you asked me to give it all up, to stop
looking for the truth, I would. And I love you because you would never
ask."

When she said nothing he continued.

"When I wake up in the morning, you are the first thought in my head.
Some days the only thing that gets me into work is the thought of seeing
you. I watch you when you're not looking, hell, sometimes I watch you
when you *are* looking.  At nights when I can't sleep I run through my
day with you, picking out moments when you smiled at me, or touched my
hand. I have ridiculous fantasies of you and me married and bickering
over the toilet seat. I would give anything to have a child with you,
but I would be the happiest man in the world if I could just have *you*
Scully."

Scully stood frozen to the spot. Her thoughts were in turmoil. Had she
misjudged him so badly?  She placed her glass of water on the side
table, spilling it in the process.  A lump rose in her throat. She
believed him.

He looked up at her, unable to determine her expression in the dark. She
moved towards him, until she was seated next to him on the sofa. Turning
her head towards him, he could see that she was fighting to hold back
tears.

"Really?" was all she said.

"Really," he replied.

Brushing her hand roughly over her eyes, she said, "I'm so sorry Mulder.
Do you hate me?"

He couldn't help but laugh. "Did you hear *any* of what I just said?"

She laughed and then let out a half-sob. Turning watery eyes to him she
said, "I'm an idiot, but I love you too."

He reached a hand up to brush a stray tear away from her cheek. "You may
be an idiot, but you're *my* idiot," he said with an affectionate grin.

Gently he tangled a hand through her hair and pulled her face towards
his.  With a smile he kissed her, and then pulled back to look into her
eyes. "I love you," he murmured, and then leaned in to kiss her again.

Her mouth opened eagerly to receive him, and he swept his tongue in to
greet hers. They kissed deeply and then parted to get some air. Planting
small kisses on her lips he said, "Have I ever told you how utterly
kissable your lips are?"

Smiling against his mouth she whispered, "Not that I recall."

"You sure? Not even in your latest Professional Appraisal? Somewhere
under 'Agent Scully's strengths' perhaps?"

This time she laughed out loud. "No, I think I would have noticed that."

"How remiss of me," he muttered, tugging on her bottom lip. "Especially
as for the last 7 years every time I looked at you all I could think was
'kiss her, kiss her'."

She crushed her lips against his, and then murmured, "No wonder I could
never get any sense out of you."

Gathering her in his arms he pulled her onto his lap, so that she was
facing him. He moved forward slightly so she could tuck her legs behind
him, and gasped when she pressed suggestively against his very
noticeable erection. They were both wearing thin cotton boxers, which
did nothing to disguise her wetness against his heat.

He ran his hands up her back, under her t-shirt, delighting in the
smoothness of her skin.  His eyes wandered over her face and down her
body until they rested on her breasts. Looking back up at her, he
whispered, "I have a confession to make Scully. I *did* look at you when
you were naked. I couldn't help it. And ever since then I've carried
this picture in my head of your beautiful breasts. Did you know you have
the most beautiful breasts in the world?"

She smiled and taking his hand she placed it on her breast. "You
wouldn't be somewhat biased would you Mulder?"

He shook his head, staring at his hand on her breast as he brushed his
thumb over her nipple poking through the cotton of her t-shirt.
"Completely objective viewpoint. I am something of an expert after all."

She snorted with laugher. "Mulder, I don't know if silicon counts."

He smiled. "Maybe you're right. I'd better have another look." Before
she could say anything he ripped her t-shirt over her head.  His eyes
wandered lazily over her chest until she was sure she could feel them
burning hot trails into her.

"No, I was right the first time - you have the most beautiful breasts in
the world."

Smiling at his compliment, she pulled his t-shirt over his head and then
leaned back into his hands to look at him. She let her eyes wander over
his chest - a chest she had seen many times, but never as a lover.
"Beautiful," she murmured as she leaned forward to place a kiss on one
of his nipples.  She dragged her lips across to his other nipple and
teased it with her tongue.

She smiled into him as he moaned.

Grabbing her head between his hands be brought her face up to his to
kiss her again, pulling her body in so that her breasts flattened
against his chest. Both of them moaned at the skin-on-skin contact.  She
wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and rocked into him, determined
to feel as much of him as possible.

He released his hands from her hair and trailed them down her back and
around to her side. He stroked the sides of her breasts until she pulled
back a little, giving him the access he was seeking. Bringing both hands
around to her front, he cupped her breasts, pinching the nipples and
alternately stroking them.

"Mulder, that feels so good..."

"Hmm, it does, doesn't it," he whispered against her mouth, "You feel so
good Scully."

"Mulder, I think I need you in me...now."

"Scully, haven't you ever heard that patience is a virtue?  I actually
had other things on my mind..."

This made her pause. "Like what?"

"I tasted you in the cab, but I need more," he said huskily. "I need to
drink you, eat you, taste you...I want you in my mouth Scully."

"Oral fixation...of course," she murmured, "Bless those sunflower
seeds."

He laughed and suddenly tilted her off his lap so she was lying on her
back on the sofa. Teasingly he pulled her boxers down, kissing her legs
in the process.  "You have cute knees Scully."

She snorted with laughter. "Now I know you're far gone Mulder. I have
knobby knees - even my own mother says so."

"I *like* knobby knees," he protested and proceeded to show her just how
much by kissing and licking them until she was writhing in ticklish
pleasure, letting out peels of giggles.

He paused to look up at her. He'd never really seen Scully giggle
before, in fact he'd never seen her this *happy* before.  Thank God he
could give her this. Thank God she would accept this from him. Finally.

Slowly he made his way up her thighs until his mouth was at her
entrance. He paused to breathe in her distinctive scent and then darted
his tongue out to touch her. She gasped at the sensation, and her hands
reached down to cup his head, as if afraid he would move away from her.
He smiled. There was absolutely no chance of that. Now that he had
*finally* tasted her, nothing in this world could stop him from
exploring her depths more fully.

He pressed his tongue more firmly against her, wiggling it about until
he had parted her folds. Parting her thighs wider with his hands, he
delved deeper into her, and groaned as he finally tasted her properly,
head swimming with the realization that this was the most secret Dana
Scully.  He brought his tongue up to lap at her clitoris, and this time
she groaned loudly.

"Goddd yes, just like that, pleasepleaseplease."

He continued his rhythm, taking pleasure in her cries and gasps, trying
to ignore the fact that his tongue was getting very, very tired. He was
obviously out of practice.

Eventually he sensed her tensing and realized she was close. He slid two
fingers into her while maintaining the motion with his tongue. Please
Scully, he begged silently. Please say my name when you come.

His silent prayer was answered when her hips arched and she cried,
"Mulder, god Mulder!"

Grinning like a kid on Christmas day he slid back up her body as she
fell back into the sofa.

She opened her eyes hazily to look at his flushed face, still glistening
with her juices. Goddamn that was good.

"Mulder, I swear," she said cupping his face with her hands, "that was
*the* most intense experience of my life. But I still want you in
me...now."

His grin widened, and he moved to position himself over her. She brought
her legs up and wrapped them around his waist before grasping his penis
and guiding it to her opening.  She rubbed the tip of it into her,
lubricating it with her juices. She was actually a little nervous. He
was big, she was small and it had been a *long* time.

As if sensing what she was thinking he smiled reassuringly and said
softly, "Gentle."

"Gentle," she whispered.

And gentle it was. He slid into her slowly, retreating every couple of
inches before re-entering her, allowing her body to adjust. When he was
completely in her, he stopped and looked into her eyes.

"You're in me Mulder."

"I'm in you Scully."

Slowly he began to move, never once breaking eye contact with her. When
she grasped his buttocks and began pulling him into her, he picked up
pace. He knew he wouldn't be able to last long.

"Scully, I can't-"

Reaching up, she pulled his head down to hers and whispered into his
ear, "Come for me Mulder."

With a final thrust he did, calling out her name so loudly that she
wondered if the neighbors heard. She didn't care - his sexual cry was
the most wonderful thing she'd ever heard.

He slumped over her, completely spent.  Realizing that he was about to
fall into a deep slumber she tugged at him.

"Not here Mulder, let's go to bed."

Reluctantly he dragged himself off her and stumbled towards the bedroom,
bringing her with him in a loose embrace. Exhausted they tumbled onto
the bed, and curling up together fell immediately to sleep.

****

Scully felt warm and comfortable, and fought to stay asleep. Mulder's
arms were wrapped around her, and his ever-present erection was pressed
into her back. This time, however, she knew it was for her. Or at least
it would be in a moment.

Turning around so she faced him, she began stroking him softly, watching
his face as he became aware of her presence.

"Scully, unnhh, that feels good," he croaked.

"What, you're not going to tell me to go away this morning?" she teased.

In answer to her question he pulled her towards him and kissed her
deeply. Slowly they made love, still facing each other, her leg draped
over his hip. When they had finished, she slipped out of bed to have a
shower. "My turn to get breakfast this morning Mulder. You sleep some
more."

As she reached the bedroom door she turned to look at him again. Already
he was drifting back to sleep, arms wrapped around her pillow, naked and
golden.  She approached the bed again and leaned over him.

"I love you Mulder," she whispered into his ear. He smiled slightly in
response and she placed a gentle kiss on his temple.

Why had it taken them so long to reach this point, she wondered. Now it
seemed so simple, so obvious. Meant to be.

Casting one last look in his direction she headed to the bathroom.


************
Part 8 of 10
************

Putting his half eaten bagel down on the plate, Mulder placed one hand
over Scully's and said, "You know, we're going to have to discuss what
Drew told us last night."

Scully flinched. In the cold light of the day Drew's story seemed even
more unreal, and the implication of his tale even more frightening.

Withdrawing her hand from his, she folded her arms and said, "Mulder,
how do we know he's not just a 19 year old kid pulling our leg?"

"We don't Scully. But it's all we have to go on. I rang the boys and
they have nothing more. No more information, no more theories even. This
is it, Scully."

"This is it," she repeated hollowly. "Mulder are you suggesting we
*kill* ourselves?"

Mulder looked uncomfortable. "I'm not suggesting anything at this stage
Scully. I just think we need to talk about it. Explore our options. We
can't stay here for 25 years y'know."

"I know that!" she snapped.

He said nothing and picked up his bagel again.

After a few minutes of uneasy silence, Scully tentatively spoke.
"Mulder, I find this really difficult to even *think* about, let alone
talk about. The idea of killing myself is something that I just can't
consider. Especially not now..."

He looked up, puzzled.

She shook her head. God, he was obtuse sometimes. "You, Mulder. *Us*. I
was referring to us. We've only just...how can I even *consider* doing
something that might end this? After only one day?" She smiled, trying
to inject some humor into their situation. "Mulder, I haven't even gone
down on you yet!"

He choked, spewing out crumbs of bagel. Did she just say what he thought
she'd said?!

When he regained his composure he waggled his eyebrows at her and said
suggestively, "Well I'm happy to change that right now."

"Don't get excited big boy," she said dryly.  "Didn't Fox say he would
come over this morning?"

"Oh yeah," he said, dejected. "What was that for again?"

"Ostensibly to see if we needed anything. But I think he's just
intrigued by you. I think he wants to know more."

"More what?" Mulder slumped even further into his chair. "Maybe he wants
to know just how much of a loser I am, so he can feel better about
himself."

"Mulder," sighed Scully. "You are *not* a loser. How many times do I
have to say that? And if you are, you're *my* loser."  She walked over
and stood behind him, draping her arms over his shoulders and kissing
him on the cheek.

A thought struck him. "What did you guys talk about Scully?"

"Oh, just stuff," said Scully evasively.

"What kind of *stuff* Scully?"

"I don't know - stuff. My abduction, our sisters, our situation, that
kind of stuff."

"So you'd known him 10 minutes and you were willing to tell him all
that, and it took me 7 years to get you to open up to me."

"Mulder," said Scully, starting to get exasperated, "I didn't *open up*
to him, I just gave him a broad brush overview of our situation. Nothing
very intimate at all."

Okay, that was a little white lie, but how could she explain to him that
Fox felt much safer than him, at that time?  He wouldn't understand that
at all.

"Then why were you hugging him?"

She sighed. "Okay, I was crying and he was comforting me. Happy?"

"What were you crying about?"

"What do you think Mulder?  Everything. My infertility, my sister, your
sister, Emily...do you want me to go on?" Her voice broke and she pulled
away from him, busying herself by putting the cream cheese back in the
fridge.

"Scully, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He came up behind her and wrapped his
arms around her, whispering into her hair.

"It's okay, Mulder," she replied quietly. "But for the record you have
no reason to be jealous of him. That's what this is all about isn't it?
You're jealous of him.  But you have no reason to be. I love you. And I
don't think he is *better* than you in any way, okay?"

He nodded against her hair. Was he that transparent to everyone? Or just
her? He smiled and kissed her ear. Just her.

"Hey Scully," he murmured. "I just want to know one thing. It's kinda
been bugging me. Who is the better kisser - him or me?"

She started laughing, and turned around in his arms.

"What's so funny?"

"He asked me the exact same question," she snorted.

"So - what's the answer?" he pressed.

"Well," she said slowly. "He's very good - does all the right things
with his tongue, not too sloppy but not too dry, right amount of
pressure with the lips. He's really very good."

She tilted her head, pretending to contemplate some more.

"But in the end, while technically correct, he just didn't *do* it for
me. When you kiss me, on the other hand, my world spins upside down, my
knees go wobbly, my heart races so much I worry about cardiac arrest and
my whole body tingles. So I guess I'd have to go with you."

Mulder frowned. "But what about *my* technique Scully?"

This time she slapped him playfully. "Dammit Mulder, don't you get it?
You could be the worse kisser in the world and I'd probably still melt
into a puddle every time you kissed me. But for the record, seeing as
though you are *so* interested, you have the most nimble tongue I've
come across, and you do the most erotic things with it. You lips are
smooth and full, and you kiss me hard when I want it hard, and soft when
I want it soft, you're not sloppy, and you have the most amazing passion
and fire...I could kiss you forever Fox Mulder."

Now Mulder smiled, and bending his head he kissed Scully with as much
passion and fire he could muster.  She responded with equal passion, and
just when he thought she might just make good on her promise, there was
a knock on the door.

"Fuck," muttered Mulder.  Scully just smirked as she straightened her
clothing and indicated for him to get the door.

Fox looked slightly ill at ease when he walked in, but broke into a
smile of relief when Scully walked out of the kitchen. Walking over he
gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, which caused Mulder to scowl.

Scully looked at him pointedly until he composed his features into a
more pleasant mask. If she had less control she would have laughed - it
appeared as though Mulder had taken a dislike to himself. Still, she
hadn't been forced to interact with herself, and she guessed she would
also find it awkward.

To break the silence she offered Fox some tea, which he gratefully
accepted. When they were settled on the sofa, all clasping steaming cups
as though their lives depended on it, Fox cleared his throat and said to
Mulder, "This feels weird. I'm not sure exactly what to say to you. I
feel like I'm looking in a mirror, except my reflection is not copying
what I'm doing."

Mulder smiled faintly. "I know what you mean.  I dunno, do you want to
ask me some questions?  If you're like me, then I guess you're curious."

"Sure. I'm not sure what to ask though. Maybe you could just tell me
about yourself?"

Mulder shrugged and began to give Fox a thumb-nail sketch of his life.
Scully watched him as he talked. He obviously felt uneasy about this -
she could see the tension in his shoulders and face. He brushed over
Samantha's abduction without really going into the effect it had on him,
referred to her abduction and cancer obliquely, but became more animated
when he started going into the details of what they knew about the
government actions.

Then it hit her. He was afraid that Fox would pity him, pity him for
what had happened to him, and what he had become. Feeling a surge of
love for him, she moved closer and placed her hand on his leg.

He flashed her a grateful look and placed his hand over hers.

Fox listened agog at what Mulder had to say in relation to his theory on
the government conspiracy, but he seemed more interested in what had
happened to Samantha.

"So you were only 12 when Samantha was taken. God, how did you...I don't
think I could have coped with that."

Mulder's grip on Scully's hand tightened. "Well, I don't know that I did
cope. I don't think I'm exactly 'normal', every aspect of my life has
been affected by what happened to Samantha. Everything."

He was silent and Scully broke in.

"Fox, I'm hesitant to ask, but do you think you could arrange it so that
Mulder could meet Samantha? And, maybe, so that I could meet Missy?"

Mulder's head snapped up to meet her eyes. "Scully, we talked about
this. We agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea."

"I know," she said softly, "but I've changed my mind. I need to do this
Mulder. And I know you do too. How could we not?"

They looked at each other for a long moment, saying to each other with
their eyes what they were unable to find words for.  Finally Mulder
nodded and leaned forward to place a brief kiss on Scully's lips. She
glanced over at Fox, who was watching them with a smile on his face.

"Sure, that shouldn't be a problem," he said. "It might be a bit
trickier with Missy, she might say something later to Dana. But I guess
I can work around that. I can call Sam now, make up some excuse for you
to visit her at lunchtime - she's not working at the moment so she
should be home."

Turning to Scully he said, "I'll give Missy a call. I promised I'd lend
her a book on hypnosis that someone gave me at work, so maybe we can
drop it off this afternoon, after work. Dana's at yoga, so she won't be
home until later." He paused, "I haven't told her about any of this. Any
other time I would have, but she's pregnant, and I'm worried that
extreme shock could be bad for her. I know I'm being paranoid, but we've
been trying a while to have this baby...God, I'm sorry Scully, I'm
sorry, I forgot..."

She shook her head, putting on a brave smile. "It's okay Fox, really.
Don't worry about it."

Mulder gripped her hand tighter and threw a furious look at Fox, which
mollified slightly when he saw the distraught look on his face.

Fox stood up clumsily.

"I guess I'd better get back to work. I'll give you a call when I've
spoken to Sam and Missy."

Scully stood up and walked him to the door, with Mulder following at a
distance. When they got to the door, Fox stopped and took Scully's hand.
He didn't say anything, just looked at her and then gave her a brief
kiss on the cheek.  Nodding to Mulder, who was scowling again, he turned
and left.

*****

Scully stared out of the window of Fox's car, concentrating on
controlling the butterflies in her stomach.  She couldn't remember the
last time she had felt so nervous that she was almost physically sick.
Thank God Missy didn't know yet that Dana was pregnant. It was going to
be hard enough to act normal around Missy without talking baby talk with
her.  Her thoughts were interrupted by Fox.

"I don't think he likes me."

"Sorry?"

"Fox, I mean Mulder. I don't think he likes me. Actually, I think he
hates me - you should've seen the look he gave me when I kissed you."

Despite her nerves, Scully smiled. "He doesn't hate you. I think he just
doesn't know how to deal with you. And he's very protective of me, he
always has been, although I find it kind of funny that he's directing
that feeling against someone who is effectively *himself*."

"So I noticed that the nature of your relationship appears to have
changed somewhat," said Fox teasingly.

Scully blushed slightly. "You could say that."

"Good, I'm glad.  You guys belong together. I should know."

"Yeah, I know that too. But it's still going to be hard. There's things
that we need to sort out...'issues' - to use an awful pop-psychologist
phrase."

"There's always issues Da-, Scully. It wasn't smooth sailing with us
either, you know. Far from it. It took me ages to break down Dana's
barriers. She was a very self contained person when I met her, so
self-reliant and independent that it broke my heart. I knew from the
moment I laid eyes on her that she was meant for me. Well, from the
moment of our first conversation at least. But it took a long time to
get through her walls. I'm guessing you're the same?"

Scully just nodded, suddenly overcome by this insight into her
personality.

"But it was worth it Scully. Worth it for both of us, and I'm sure
you'll find the same. It's meant to be, so you just have to make sure
that you overcome the obstacles."

Scully smiled sadly, "You make it sound so easy - I wish it was."

He reached over and took her hand. "It *is* Scully. It's easier than you
think. And now we're coming up to Missy's place.  Are you ready?"


Scully was suddenly gripped by a wave of panic. She looked at Fox
wildly, "I don't know if I can do this! Maybe this is a bad idea. What
if I cry? What if she realizes it's not me - I mean Dana?"

"Hey...hey," he said soothingly, "It's okay. Let's take a minute -
there's no rush. You'll be fine Scully. We won't be long, but if you've
changed your mind-"

"No, I need to do this. I just want to see her again, hug her." Scully
took a deep breath, checked her face in the mirror and turned to Fox.
"Let's do it - now."

When Missy opened the door Scully felt the blood drain from her face.

"Dana! Are you okay? You look terrible! Come in."  Missy reached out her
hands and pulled Scully into the house, draping an arm around her
shoulder as she led her into the kitchen and directed her into a chair.
She sat down in the chair opposite her, concern radiating in her
posture.

Throwing an apologetic glance at Fox, Scully said, "I'm fine Missy, just
a bit tired. I'll be right in a second."

"Well...if you're sure," said Missy doubtfully, "There's a terrible bug
going around. Maybe you should have an early night tonight just to be
sure."

Scully smiled and nodded, looking at Missy closely for the first time.
She looked just the same, only with a few more lines around her eyes.
Impulsively Scully reached across and grabbed Missy's hand.

"You look good Missy."

"Thanks, I just had it cut. I didn't think you'd notice - it was only a
trim really."

Scully smiled at the misunderstanding. Now that she had hold of Missy's
hand she didn't think she could ever let it go.

"Tell me about your week," she said impulsively. She just wanted to sit
there and watch her sister talk.

While Missy chatted on, Scully ran her eyes over her sister. She was
so...alive. So warm and animated. God, she missed her. Despite her
attempts to maintain her control, she felt her eyes tearing over.

"Missy, could I have a glass of water?" she interrupted, hoping Missy
didn't detect the catch in her voice. Fox did, however, and he moved
forward to place a hand on her shoulder while Missy got up to get the
water. Scully squeezed Fox's hand gratefully.

"Do you want to go?" he whispered in her ear. She nodded, not trusting
herself to speak.

When Missy returned with the water, Fox said, "We'd better get going
Missy. I think Dana needs food," he said with a chuckle. "You know how
she gets."

Missy laughed and walked with them to the door. "I'll see you on the
weekend Dana."

Scully nodded and reached forward to hug her. As Missy squeezed her in a
bear hug she wanted to break down and cry, to clutch her sister to her
forever and sob that she missed her - that it was so hard living without
her.   But she remained silent, and breathed in her sister's familiar
scent, memorizing the feel of her, the smell of her shampoo, the faint
trace of her favorite perfume. Reluctantly she let go, and quickly
turned her head away so Missy would not see the tears in her eyes.

"Love you Missy," she choked out before turning her back on her sister
and walking away.

"Love you too," Missy called after her. "See you soon!"

Fox drove two blocks away before he stopped the car and touched Scully
on her shoulder. She hadn't moved since they left Missy's place.

"You okay?"

Scully shook her head, and then her shoulders began shaking with stifled
sobs.  Fox slipped off his seatbelt and reached forward to pull her to
him, clasping her to his chest in an effort to absorb her heaving sobs.

"It's okay, it's okay," he whispered in a soothing tone.

Scully pulled back from him roughly, "It's not fucking okay!  It's not
fucking okay! My sister is dead. DEAD dammit! God I miss her. I miss
her," she cried. She crumpled again, and didn't resist as her pulled her
into his arms once more.

"I miss her, I miss her," she repeated through her sobs. "God help me."

Fox rocked her until her sobs quieted, and then he gently placed her
back against her seat before starting the car. She needed to be with
Mulder.

Mulder was home and waiting for her when Fox brought her in. He took one
look at her red puffy eyes and in two strides was with her, his arms
wrapped fiercely around her.  He nodded his thanks to Fox, and then took
her over to the sofa.

Pulling her back from his chest, he rubbed his thumbs over her
tear-stained cheeks. Her eyes stared dully back at his.

"I know how much you miss her Scully. I know how much it hurts." He
placed a kiss gently on her lips, not expecting much of a reaction and
not getting one. "I'm going to run you a bath and I've made us some
dinner.  Then we're going to sit on the sofa and cuddle. Okay?"

She nodded and tried, but failed, to muster a smile.

An hour later Scully felt drained, but more human. Mulder had cared for
her with more gentleness than she thought possible, rubbing her dry
after her bath, sprinkling her with loving kisses, taking every
opportunity through brief caresses to let her know how much he loved
her.

She put down her dinner plate, food that she had eaten without tasting,
and fell back against the sofa. Mulder quickly took their plates into
the kitchen and then returned with the rest of the wine. Refilling her
glass he sat back next to her, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders,
drawing her close.

"Better?"

"Much." Her voice sounded funny to her ears, and she realized she hadn't
spoken since she had returned.

"Mulder, I'm sorry. I haven't even asked you about Sam."

"Sssh Scully. No sorries okay?" He nuzzled his lips against her temple.
"I love you, and I'm glad I was here for you.  I thought it would be a
traumatic experience. But was it worth it?"

She nodded. "I touched her Mulder. I hugged her - she smelled just the
same." She turned to look at him. "I miss her so much Mulder, it's like
there's a hole in my stomach. A cold, hard hole and I carry it with me
all the time."

He nodded, stroking one finger lightly along her cheek. The significance
of this moment wasn't lost on him.  This was the first time he could
recall Scully telling him how she felt about Missy's death.

"I know Scully, I know," he whispered. "But you know what? It does get
better over time. It's a cliche, but it's true. I carried that hole
around with me for a long, long time." He paused and smiled gently at
her. "But you filled that hole for me Scully."

She leaned forward slowly and rested her forehead against his. "I love
you Mulder." She rubbed her nose against his in a gentle Eskimo kiss.
"Now tell me about Sam."

He shrugged.  "It was...odd. I mean, I've never really had a
relationship with her as an adult.  It was good to see her, good to see
she has a happy life here, at least. I don't know - I'm happy I saw her,
but I guess I didn't get any strong feelings of familiarity that you had
with Missy. I guess I just kept thinking, she's not *my* Sam, I still
haven't found *my* Sam.  I didn't expect to feel that way, I expected to
feel a strong brotherly connection, I guess. But I didn't."

Scully squeezed his hand comfortingly. "I'm sorry Mulder. But I'm glad
you saw her."

He leaned back into the sofa, pulling her with him.  "Wanna watch some
crummy TV and maybe fool around a bit?"

She finally smiled and snuggled into him, insinuating a hand under his
shirt so she was stroking the fine hair on his stomach.  "Sounds good to
me," she murmured, running her lips up his neck.

He bent his head to meet her lips and they kissed deeply, tongues lazily
circling.  Scully felt some of the emptiness dissolve as they expressed
their feelings with lips, tongues and hands.  She sighed into his mouth,
feeling the blood pulsing in her ears as her arousal increased. Sex with
Mulder was still new enough to fill her with a sense of wonder mixed in
with her excitement. And tonight sex with Mulder was going to be an
expression of life - pulsating warm bodies moving together to drown out
the coldness of death that so often permeated their lives.

Wriggling out of his embrace momentarily, she climbed onto his lap to
straddle him, and pushed him further back into the sofa with the force
of her kiss.

"You're mine Mulder. I can't believe you're mine," she murmured into his
lips. "I want you."

He felt liters of blood race to his cock at her words. She was still
kissing him furiously, her small, hot tongue teasing his, lapping at the
roof of his mouth, clanking her teeth against his. He grasped her hips
and pulled her sharply onto his erection, causing her to gasp. Right on
target.

"You like that Scully?" he murmured, thrusting his hard penis against
her hot center.

"Uunh," was all she managed to get out.

He stopped moving against her. "How much Scully? Tell me how much."

She ground her hips against him, trying to find *that* spot. "A lot
Mulder. A lot. Now move dammit!"

He grinned and began a slow thrust against her again. "Tell me what you
want Scully."

"You - I want you."

He smirked. "I know that. Tell me what you want *from* me - I want to
hear you say the words." He lowered his voice and whispered into her
ear, "Talk dirty to me Scully."

She pulled back to look into his eyes, matching his thrusting with her
own languorous movements. "I want your cock inside me Mulder. I want you
thrusting into me so hard that it almost hurts." As she talked she
pulled her top off over her head, and reached behind to undo her bra.
Naked from the waist up, she began running her hands over her breasts,
teasing her nipples into stiff peaks.

"I don't just want it Mulder, I *need* it. I need your tongue in my
mouth, your hands on my breast and I need to feel you pounding into me.
Now."

Pulling her quickly off his lap Mulder struggled with her jeans until
finally she helped his shaking hands undo her buttons. Together they
stripped him, laughing as they managed to get tangled in a knot of limbs
and clothes.

Finally he was in her, thrusting hard. She threw her head back and
grasped his buttocks in her hands, encouraging him to pick up pace. She
didn't want slow and gentle, she needed fast and dirty. He complied and
the sound of their bodies slapping together filled the room, drowning
out the low murmur of the TV.

"Scully, I'm gonna come," he grunted. "I can't -"

"It's okay Mulder, keep going."

She watched his face as it contorted and he cried her name.  She could
feel his penis pulsing inside her, a feeling she had come to cherish.
Mulder fell forward in a slump.

After a few moments he raised his head.

"Scully," he whispered, shaking off the drowsiness threatening to
overcome him. "You didn't come."

She shook her head smiling. "I don't mind. You gave me exactly what I
wanted Mulder. It was great."

He rolled off her and pulled her around so they were lying side by side
along the sofa, facing each other. "Well that may be, Scully, but I have
my male ego to pander to."

He reached down and began stroking her clitoris softly. He slid his
other arm under and around her, pulling her face towards his. She smiled
as he began to kiss her.  His kisses were gentle at first, light brushes
with his lips and then his tongue. As her lips parted he stroked them
with his tongue before forcing her mouth open and kissing her deeply.

She moaned. Mulder's kisses undid her every time, and she could feel her
hand trembling as she raised it to stroke his cheek. With his fingers
working their magic between her legs and his demanding tongue exploring
her mouth she knew she was on the verge. She managed to mutter an
encouragement into his mouth as she draped her leg over his hip, giving
him better access.

Oh God, he was good. He increased pressure with his fingers and she felt
the tension in her groin increase. And then she was coming, in strong
powerful waves causing her whole body to temporarily clench.

When she relaxed Mulder pulled her on top of him and draped the blanket
over them. She seemed half way asleep and he was loathe to move her into
the bedroom.

He ran his hands gently over her hair. It was good that she slept now.
Tomorrow they needed to make a decision.


************
Part 9 of 10
************

Scully woke an hour later, still draped over Mulder. Her arm had fallen
asleep wedged in between him and the back of the sofa, and her feet had
slipped out from under the blanket and were now like two blocks of ice.

She sat up as quietly as she could, hoping not to wake him.

"Scully?"

"Sssh, go back to sleep Mulder," she whispered, stroking his cheek.

"Wasn't asleep," he mumbled, turning into her hand to kiss her palm.
"Just dozing."

"Sure you were," she whispered. "At the risk of waking you even more,
I'm going to move into the bedroom and I'd like it better if you were
there with me."

He smiled sleepily, and she helped him into an upright position.  His
arm draped around her shoulder, they made their way into the bedroom.
Mulder was asleep almost as soon as he flopped down onto the mattress,
staying awake long enough to pull Scully towards his chest.

She pulled back from his embrace slightly, and propped her head up on
her hand. With her free hand she ran her fingers lightly over his
stubbled chin, delighting in the sand papery feel of his chin, and the
contrast to his soft lips. His nose twitched slightly when she ran her
finger over it, but he didn't wake.

She didn't want to go to sleep, she just wanted to lie there and look at
him. Her lover. She continued running her fingers lightly over his face,
unable to stop touching him. His paper-thin eyelids, the lines on his
forehead. She wondered how many of them were a result of worrying about
her. Probably many.

Her fingers continued their journey down his neck, to his chest. His
nipples tightened at her touch and she smiled at how small they were
compared to hers. His chest muscles were firm and his skin soft. She
leaned forward and placed a small kiss on his chest.

Pulling back, she left her hand on his chest and gazed at his face. His
eyes were twitching and she wondered what he was dreaming. She hoped it
was good. God knows, he needed a good dream every now and then.

She sighed. She knew that tomorrow he was going to ask her what she
wanted to do.  She also knew what he had decided. He believed Drew's
story and he believed that it was Drew's act of suicide that allowed him
to go back into his world.

The only thing she knew, the only thing she *really* knew, was that she
could not commit suicide.  She just couldn't do it - it wasn't in her
make up.  She knew she had to make a decision, and she knew she had to
make it *her* way.

The one thing that frightened her more than the thought of going through
with the act, was the thought that she might do so just because Mulder
wanted to.  At her strongest, he had persuasive powers that sometimes
frightened her.  With him at her side she had done things that she would
not have even considered when she first joined the FBI.  And sometimes
she worried that she did those things just because of him; because she
wanted to please him, wanted his approval.

Now that they were in a relationship she was even more conscious of
maintaining her independence of thought. She loved him, but that was not
a sufficient reason to agree with him. Especially not over something
this important.

She sat up against the headboard, and pulled Mulder over onto her lap.
He came willingly, burying his face in her thighs and wrapping his arms
around her, although he didn't wake.  She ran her fingers through his
hair as she considered their limited 'evidence'.

First, this world was different. Her sister was alive, his sister was
alive, and she and Mulder already existed. Mulder believed they were in
an alternate universe but this seemed the stuff of fairytales to her.
Unfortunately, the only alternatives she could come up with were that
this was a *very* long and lucid dream, or she was hallucinating.
Neither seemed plausible.

Which led her back to Mulder's theory again.

Alternate universe. She supposed it wasn't impossible.  There were many
things that science could not explain, and in many respects, time and
space were dark unexplored areas.  And they did have limited evidence to
support the theory in the form of Drew's story. Although she had
expressed skepticism to Mulder about Drew's credibility, she *had*
believed him. She just hadn't wanted to.

She smiled down at Mulder and stroked his cheek.  Okay, score one for
you, she thought. I'm willing to believe this *is* an alternate
universe.

She turned her mind to considering the consequences of them not being in
their 'right' world.  Currently there were two of them in this world, so
logically there was no Scully and no Mulder in 'their' world.  It wasn't
the same as dying - they obviously weren't dead.  Is it possible that
their world had stopped in time?  Was it necessary for alternate
universes to continue forward at the same speed in parallel time
dimensions?  Her mind started spinning at the thought.

And then a phrase from a high school science class came back to her -
"Nature abhors a vacuum."  She remembered her teacher saying it,
although she was *sure* he wasn't talking about alternate universes at
the time.

Yet it seemed appropriate for their situation.  Nature abhors a vacuum.
Their absence would create a vacuum in their universe.  If they could
release themselves from this universe, they should automatically get
'sucked back' into their own.  It made sense to her.

That left the problem of releasing themselves from this universe.

She reflected on Drew's story.  Although he had not wanted to advocate
suicide, she could see in his eyes that he believed it was that act that
had precipitated his return to this world.

Scully tried to think of other ways of releasing themselves from this
universe, but kept coming back to the same thought. Death was the only
way.  Death in this world.

Her stomach clenched again at the thought of suicide, but she pushed
aside her feelings of horror.  This was not a time to let emotion to get
in the way.  Based on the limited evidence she had, and using scientific
reason, the only conclusion she could come up with was that suicide was
the only way out of this world.

Only it wasn't really suicide.

Suicide was committed with the intention of ending one's life.  If she
and Mulder were to commit suicide, it would not be with that intention.
It would be with the intention of continuing *their* lives, in *their*
world.

Although still disturbed by the thought, Scully was satisfied that she
had reached her decision in her own way. Emotionally, she didn't like
her decision, but rationally she was satisfied.

She snuggled back down against Mulder, causing him to stir.

"Y'okay?"

She nodded against his chest. "Go back to sleep," she whispered.

"Love you," he muttered into her hair.

"Love you too," she replied.

****

Mulder was taken aback. He had expected Scully would say more - much
more - than "Okay Mulder."

His mouth opened but he couldn't think of what he wanted to say. In the
end he stuttered in astonishment, "You'll do it?  I kind of thought
you'd ... argue, or something. I mean...this is serious..." he finished
weakly.

She smiled slightly. "I know Mulder. I thought a lot about this last
night. I don't know if I believe in my heart that it will work, but I
believe in my head that it will. And I know that I love you, and I
believe in *you*. You believe this will work, and I *hope* this will
work. I guess that's enough."

"So how are we going to do it?" he asked shakily.

"I've thought about that," Scully answered, surprised that her voice
sounded so strong. If she could draw on her doctor persona she could get
through this. She described to Mulder the combination of over the
counter pills they could take which would induce a painless death. When
she had finished, he took her hands in his.

"Are you scared Scully?" he asked tenderly.

She nodded, immediately feeling tears well up.

"I'm scared too," he said simply.

"I don't want to do it now," she said in a strained voice, eyes
lowered.  "I want to spend some time with you.  Just doing normal stuff.
Maybe a picnic or shopping, or something.  It's sunny out there."

She looked up hesitantly, afraid that her desperate need for 'normality'
would come across as weak.  She was relieved when she saw his warm
smile.

"Scully, at the risk of sounding insensitive," he said with humor, "I'd
rather die than go shopping. But a picnic sounds perfect.  If I get the
food, will you make the sandwiches?  You may have noticed that in the 7
years we've been working together that I've *never* brought in home-made
sandwiches for lunch. There's a reason for that."

She laughed, determined to banish dark thoughts for the rest of the
day.  "Deal. Make sure you get sun-dried tomatoes.  And some brie."

****

"You know, I'd completely forgotten it was Saturday.  I didn't realize
the park would be this crowded," grumbled Mulder, glaring at a nearby
dog who was eyeing their picnic food with relish.

"That's okay," replied Scully. "This is nice. Kids, families, dogs - I
like it." She paused and then added shyly, "Sometimes those things make
me sad; they remind me what I'm missing.  But I don't feel that way when
I'm with you."

He looked up from his sandwich in astonishment. Scully was constantly
surprising him with her newfound openness. He liked it.

"That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me Scully."

She smiled, and ran her hand through his hair.

"Y'know Scully, I kind of had in mind a slightly different picnic
scenario.  I was picturing a quiet park, a blanket, some kissing, some
fondling.  Maybe some secretive sex behind a tree." He glanced over at
the dog again, who was now wagging his tail in anticipation of being
fed. "However, I'm afraid if I try any of that, I will offend hundreds
of outraged parents, or at the very least that dog will steal my food
when I'm not looking."

He threw his crust to the dog, and then kissed Scully. "If I can
distract the dog with scraps, I can kiss you with no fear of being
robbed."

Scully giggled.  She threw another crust to the dog, and leaned forward
for her kiss. Grabbing the packet of cookies, she began throwing them at
the dog, receiving a kiss for each one.

Finally she pulled back, gasping with laughter. "So if a cookie equals a
kiss,  what do I get if I feed the dog the whole picnic?"

They both laughed at the thought.

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Scully sat back against his chest,
looking out at the families at play.  Happy, normal families.  Leaning
against Mulder, she could almost imagine being a happy family herself.

Until a flash of red hair caught her eye.

She gasped, and sat up.  Before she could say anything, she saw the
other Dana Scully turn, and stop sharply as she caught sight of them,
causing Fox to bump into her.

She felt Mulder tense behind her, as they watch the scene play out
before them. A panicked Dana, a soothing Fox. They couldn't hear what he
was saying to her, but they could see the tumult of emotions running
across her face.  Once her fear passed, anger seemed to drive her.  She
wrenched out of his grasp and stormed over to them.

Standing before them, she said nothing.  Underneath her anger, it was
clear that she was still in shock.  Finally she spoke.

"I believe you know me," she said icily.

Both Mulder and Scully scrambled to their feet.  Mulder was the first to
respond.

"Dana, I'm...Mulder, this is...Scully." He held his hand out to shake
hers in introduction.

Both Scully and Dana looked at him incredulously, eyebrows raised in
unison.

"I think she knows who we are," Scully said eventually.  Turning to Dana
she said, "I know how hard this is for you.  I felt the same way when I
first saw you and Fox.  It's very hard to believe. Very hard." She shook
her head, still amazed that she *did* believe. "But don't blame Fox for
not telling you.  He was just trying to protect you."

As soon as she uttered the words, she knew she'd made a mistake. She of
all people should have known how well *that* would go down.

Dana glanced at her coldly. "I think I can look after myself actually.
Now I suggest somebody tells me what is going on." Glaring at Fox, she
sat down on the blanket, waiting for them to follow her lead.

"And give me your hat," she said to Fox, snatching his baseball cap from
his head as he sat down next to her. "I don't want people staring at me.
One redhead is noticeable enough."

Scully ducked her head to hide a smile. Was *she* ever this grumpy?
Probably.

She let Mulder do the talking, while she snuck surreptitious glances at
her double. Incredible. They looked so alike, although she noticed that
Dana was already putting on some weight around her face as a result of
the pregnancy.

At the thought of Dana's pregnancy she felt a strong stab of jealousy.
The emptiness in her womb was palpable, and she wondered if she would
ever recover from the blow her infertility had struck her.

Suddenly she realized the others were quiet, and she looked up to find
them all staring at her.

"What?" she asked, more sharply than she intended.

"I was asking if you would like to go get an ice-cream with me," asked
Dana, slightly impatiently. "I'd like to speak to you."

"Sure," shrugged Scully, trying to cover her nervousness.  Now she knew
how Mulder had felt.

They walked towards the park cafe in uncomfortable silence. Scully
simply did not know what to say to her double. She had never felt so
vulnerable; this was one person who really *did* know her as well as she
knew herself, and she felt as if she was naked.  Finally, Dana said,
"Was it awful seeing Missy?"

Scully gasped slightly at the direct question and stopped to face Dana.
It felt odd staring into her own blue eyes.

"Yes and no," she said simply. "I miss her so much."

"I know, I'd miss her too. I'm sorry about everything that has happened
to you Dana. Sorry...Scully," she corrected herself.

Scully smiled slightly, but chose not to respond to Dana's expression of
sympathy. She didn't want to break down in front of her. "Frankly, I'm
amazed that you believe our story."

Dana smiled in return. "Normally I wouldn't I guess.  But it's a bit
hard to disbelieve *yourself*.  Besides, I know you're not my twin, so
what else could you be?"

They continued walking, again in silence. Scully felt as if she should
say something, *anything*, about Dana's pregnancy, but every time she
tried, the words stuck in her throat.

For the second time, Dana broke the silence. "What's your favorite
ice-cream flavor?"

It took a moment for Scully to catch up with the change in conversation.
"Umm,  all flavors actually. Except vanilla - too boring."

Dana laughed. "Me too."

Relieved at the change in conversation, Scully relaxed. Chatting with
herself wasn't so bad.  It was as if she had another sister.  They
compared notes on favorite movies, childhood memories and the bad habits
of the two Fox Mulders.

They studiously avoided any mention of Dana's pregnancy, or anything
else that might raise an emotional response. Scully smiled slightly when
she realized this. Then again, she reflected, what did she expect from a
conversation with herself? She was not known for wearing her heart on
her sleeve.

By the time they returned to the picnic blanket they were more
comfortable in each other's company.

"So what now?" asked Fox when they returned.

Scully and Mulder exchanged glances. "We think we know how to get back.
But it's probably best if we don't tell you what we plan to do."

The four of them sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment.

"We should be going," said Dana. "People are looking at us."

They got up from the blanket and made their awkward goodbyes.  As they
walked away, Scully called out, "Wait! Dana...good luck...with the
baby."

Dana smiled and instinctively placed her hand on her stomach. "Thanks."

"You okay?" asked Mulder after they had gone.

Scully nodded.

"What did you two talk about?"

"Everything else except the baby. I felt bad about ignoring it, but I
just *couldn't* Mulder. I think she understood.  We talked about safe
stuff."

"Like what?"

"Our favorite TV shows, what clothes we wore. Nothing too personal," she
said, laughing shakily. "You know me Mulder."

"There are other ways to have a baby Scully."

She looked at him, startled. Where had that come from?

"What do you mean?"

"You'd make a great mother. You could train me to be a passable father.
There are other ways." He tilted her chin up so he could look into her
eyes. He could see they were shining with tears.  He hadn't meant for
her to cry.

"Mulder, you've never indicated a desire to have a baby. It's not
something you do to please someone else."

"I know that Scully. I'm not saying I'm ready for it just yet. I'm just
saying that I think I will be ready for it.  And I want you to know
that."

He bent down and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Thanks Mulder. That means a lot to me."


*************
Part 10 of 10
*************

Mulder's Apartment
5.30 pm

As soon as they arrived home, their mood darkened.  Without a word, they
knew the moment had arrived. Mulder watched Scully's trembling hands as
she tipped the pills out of their little white containers.  Sleeping
pills first to send them asleep, and then the pills that would
actually...

Mulder couldn't even think the words.  Not because he was afraid of
suicide - God knows he'd considered it many times in his life. No, he
was afraid of killing the person he loved more than life itself. His
survival instinct for himself sometimes dimmed, but his survival
instinct for her was overwhelming.

He had to fight every primal instinct to prevent himself from sweeping
the pills to the floor, from clutching her to him and begging her not to
go through with it. His mind raced frantically trying to think of some
way they could make this work, some way to reassure her that they would
be okay, that they could live here and nobody would ever find them.

But he knew it wasn't true. While they were in this world things were
not okay.

Instead, he took Scully's hand in his and pulled her to him, kissing her
gently on the lips. "This will work Scully, I know it will. You are the
bravest person I know, and I love you."

"I'm not doing anything braver than you Mulder," she whispered.

"Yes you are Scully. This act goes against every fiber of your being. I
know that. It goes against everything you are, everything you stand for.
But it will work; I feel it in my bones."

She squeezed his arm. "I wish I could feel it in your bones too Mulder,"
she joked feebly.

He chuckled slightly. Leaving the pills on the table, he took her hand
and drew her up from the sofa. He wanted to make love to her before they
did this. Just in case.

They walked arm in arm into the bedroom, kissing before they even
reached the door. Their lovemaking was passionate and desperate, both of
them expressing their fears physically rather than verbally.

When Mulder lay slumped over her, Scully buried her nose in his hair,
breathing in his scent. She couldn't stop the unbidden thought that this
might have been their last time together. Her fingers gripped at his
back and her throat tightened. The thought that she might lose him so
soon after finally letting down her walls was unbearable.

She knew with striking clarity that if she didn't do it now, she would
never do it. She would never have the courage to part from him.

"Now, Mulder," she whispered. "It has to be now."

Hearing the ache in her voice, Mulder shook himself out of his
post-orgasmic drowsiness and rose from the bed to prepare for their
final moments. Irrationally, the first thing he checked was that the
apartment was clean. Then he made sure the envelopes he had left behind
for the Lone Gunmen and Fox were in an obvious place. The envelopes
contained everything they needed to know about the Consortium, the
Government experiments and his beliefs about extra-terrestrial
involvement. What they chose to do with the information was up to them.

And then he collected the little white pills in his hands.

When he was settled back onto the bed, he handed Scully a glass of water
and her pills.

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Her throat
was so constricted with tears that she found it impossible to speak.

"It's okay Scully. You don't have to say anything. I know," he said
huskily.

She nodded, and staring into his eyes she swallowed the pills.

He took the water from her and repeated her action.

They lay down together, entwined in each other's arms, Scully's head
resting on his chest, her arms gripping him tightly. She wanted to hear
his heartbeat, even though she knew she would probably fall asleep
before he did.

The first thing Mulder noticed was her arms slacken their grip on his
body.

"I love you Scully," he croaked, aware that this was the beginning. Or
the end.

He felt her breathing deepen and knew she was asleep. And then her body
started twitching.  She jerked in his arms and he started crying. He
hadn't been prepared for this.

He hadn't realized that he would feel her death throes.

Just when he thought he could bear it no longer, sleep mercifully took
hold. He slipped into nothingness.

*******

"Dana?  Dana honey, it's Mom."

Scully opened her eyes to see her Mom's concerned face hovering above
her. She tried to speak, and instantly felt a searing pain in her
throat.

"Don't try to speak sweetie.  You took a blow to your throat and it's
quite bruised. You're okay though - a cracked rib and some severe
bruising.  Mulder's okay - he only needed some stitches and was released
straight away."

Her mother brushed her hand over her forehead and kissed her lightly.
"I'll just get the doctor so he can tell you more."

Scully smiled slightly.  Her poor Mom. She was so used to being there
when she woke up in hospital that she knew *exactly* what questions she
needed answered.  Thank God Mulder was okay.

Her mother returned with the Doctor, and Scully smiled at him.

"Ahh, my favorite patient is awake," he said with good humor. "And I
suppose you want to know exactly what is wrong with you?"

She nodded and he chuckled. "I see you've already discovered your throat
injuries. Your larynx is bruised and you probably wont be able to speak
in more than a whisper for at least a few days. You have a slightly
cracked rib and some severe bruising covering most of your torso. Some
minor cuts, but you were shielded from most of the glass.  And, of
course, concussion. You've been out for 2 days."

Her eyebrows flew up in surprise.  Only 2 days. For some reason it felt
longer...much longer. She'd been expecting him to tell he she'd been in
a coma for weeks. Strange.

Her Mom grabbed her hand. "I gave Fox a call honey. He said he'd be
right over. He's been quite worried about you."

Scully smiled at the understatement. Knowing Mulder he'd probably been
frantic, harassing the Doctor constantly for updates, pacing up and
down. She wondered if he'd slept.

As if she could read her daughter's thoughts, Mrs Scully said, "I sent
him home to get some sleep." She leaned in closer. "Frankly, he was
driving all of us up the wall. He's blaming-"

She stopped when Mulder walked in, carrying a huge bunch of flowers.

"Fox, you look much better after a bit of sleep. I'll go find a vase for
those," she said, slipping out the door so they could be alone.

"Hey," said Mulder.

"Hey," Scully whispered, wincing slightly.

"Sorry, I forgot about your throat." He handed her the flowers, and she
smiled widely. She couldn't recall Mulder buying her flowers before.

He sat down next to her, and took her hand in his.

"Scully, I'm so sorry-"

"Mulder," she interrupted in a rasping whisper. "This was not your
fault. You weren't to know about the bomb."

He looked at her in surprise. She didn't know. "Um, I wasn't talking
about that Scully. Your injuries, they're my fault."

At her quizzical glance he continued, a blush of remorse and
embarrassment rising in his face. "I...uh...landed on you. The weight of
me cracked your rib, and they think it was my elbow in your throat that
caused that bruising. I'm really sorry."

He hung his head in misery, and then looked up to see her reaction. She
was laughing silently, shoulders shaking and tears starting to run out
of the corners of her eyes.

"You don't hate me?"

She shook her head, still laughing. Impulsively she pulled his head
forward and kissed him on the forehead.  She couldn't resist him when he
looked like a sad puppy.

He smiled in relief. "I was so worried about you Scully. I thought that
you'd never wake up, that this time I'd finally fucked up irreversibly.
I promised myself that if you woke up I'd never take you on a wild goose
chase again, and then I remembered that you'd hate me even more if I
ditched you, so I -" he stopped when he realized he was rambling.
"Anyway, I'm glad you're awake."

She ruffled his hair and kissed him on the forehead again, surprising
herself with this sudden need to touch and caress him. It's because I
can't speak, she told herself. I have to communicate with him somehow.

He looked at her in surprise. She wasn't normally this demonstrative.
Not that he was complaining. Taking advantage of the moment, he grasped
her hand and brought it to his lips. "I'm glad you're okay. When they
let you out, I'll cook you dinner to make up for it." Remembering the
condition of her throat he added, "Something soft. Semolina maybe?"

She grimaced, and he laughed. "Okay, ice-cream. Sorry, Tofutti non-dairy
dreamwhatsit, or whatever that stuff was."

Mrs Scully returned with the vase, glad to see her daughter looking so
happy. She noticed Mulder quickly release her hand, and smiled. Well at
least they were at the hand-holding stage, she thought. It has been
seven years - give them another seven and they might even kiss.

Mulder got up. "Here Mrs Scully, you can have this chair. I'd better get
back to work." Turning to Scully he said, "The doctor said you should be
released tomorrow, so I'll come by on Sunday to check you're okay."

Realizing she couldn't say 'No Mulder, I'm fine' he pushed his luck even
further. "In fact I might pop over tomorrow night and tuck you in."

As he walked out the door, he turned around and said with a wicked grin,
"Y'know, this is the first time in seven years you haven't had the last
word. I could get used to this."

The magazine she threw at him crashed uselessly against the door frame,
and she could hear him laughing as he walked away.

****

Scully's apartment
Tuesday
11.30am

Scully sat listlessly on the couch, book unread in her hand. Her ribs
were too sore for her to move much, and she was sick of reading. There
was nothing good on TV and she didn't have the energy to go out and get
a video. And something was bothering her.

Ever since she'd awoken in hospital she'd had this feeling, as if she
had forgotten something. Something important.  The more she tried to
remember what it was, the more elusive it became.

The only thing she could pin down was that it had something to do with
Mulder.

She sighed as she once again racked her brain, going over the events
that led to the bomb blast. She didn't think she'd forgotten anything,
she seemed to remember everything clearly. And yet it was there.
Tickling at her subconscious, becoming stronger whenever she thought of
Mulder.

Which lately, was quite often. In fact, she was having trouble getting
him out of her head. And she was dreaming about him. Explicit dreams
that made her blush when she remembered them in waking moments. Not that
she hadn't dreamt about him like that before, but these dreams seemed
different.

These dreams seemed real.

The phone rang, breaking up her thoughts, and Scully looked at it with
loathing. Her throat still hurt to talk, and she was reluctant to use
the phone. Skinner had called her over the weekend to tell her she was
on compulsory sick leave for a week, and when he had heard her husky
voice he'd laughed. He'd said she sounded like a porn queen.

It was probably Mulder, she thought and picked it up, saying nothing.
If she *did* sound like a porn queen, there was no way she was giving
Mulder some free thrills.

"Scully, don't talk. I'm just letting you know I'm coming over. I'm just
around the corner so I'll be there soon."

"Mulder-" she rasped.

"No arguments Scully.  I'll be there soon."  He hung up, leaving her
frowning at the phone. She was just going to ask him to pick up some
ice-cream. Dammit.

True to his word, he arrived moments later. With ice-cream. And a
container that looked like soup. The man was a gem.

Seeing her eyeing off the packages he said, "I got Pistachio Dream and
Mango Madness.  The Mango is a sorbet so it's non-dairy.  And I got soup
- Cream of Chicken. What do you want first?"

She licked her lips. "All of it," she whispered. "I'm starving."

"I'll start you off on the soup Agent Scully. Somehow, I think your eyes
are bigger than your stomach."

Scully settled herself down onto the sofa again.  Surprisingly,  she was
content to let him wait on her. She knew he felt guilty about her
injuries, and he seemed eager to make it up to her by playing nurse.
Well, for once in her life, she was happy to be looked after. Especially
by him.

Mulder hummed to himself as he spooned soup into a bowl. Frankly, he
hadn't expected such a smooth run with Scully. Normally she was a
prickly patient, who took great pains to make it clear that she could
look after herself. Over the last couple of days she had put up with his
molly-coddling with uncharacteristic patience. In fact, she even seemed
to be enjoying it.

He smiled to himself, tasting the soup.  He'd never let her know, but
the last few days had been some of the more pleasant days he could
remember. He'd spent almost all of Sunday with Scully, reading stupid
articles out of some magazines he'd bought her, watching TV - she'd even
let him cook her soup for dinner. He didn't tell her that he'd never
cooked soup in his life. He'd been sweating bullets as he poured over
her recipe books, trying to find the simplest recipe. The final result,
however, was actually very good.

He couldn't work out whether her attitude towards him had softened. Had
she *finally* let down some of those walls she'd constructed, or was it
just her injured throat that meant she couldn't push him away with some
well placed words?  He hoped it was the former. He was a patient man,
and he was prepared to wait for Scully. However, his patience was
wearing thin. And his attraction to her was getting harder and harder to
hide.

Placing the soup bowl and a glass of juice on a tray, he took it out to
her.

"Work?" she asked.

"Skinner gave me a half day. Things are quiet at the moment. You're not
missing anything."

She smiled and took a sip of soup. "Mmmm."

They ate the soup together in comfortable silence.  When she had
finished, Scully leaned back and turned to look at Mulder sitting next
to her.  He seemed so familiar to her, more so than ever before. And
again she had that feeling in the back of her consciousness; the feeling
that she had forgotten something important.  Something that involved her
and Mulder.

"Mulder," she rasped, "I feel as though I've forgotten something.
Something important."

He frowned, not really sure what she was talking about. "You've lost
something?"

"No, I mean ever since I woke up at the hospital I feel as if I've
forgotten something important. Something that happened to us."

He twisted so he was looking at her. "Would it help if I went through my
memory of what happened?"

She nodded, and he started going into the details of that night, from
the time they left his apartment to when the bomb went off. In typical
Mulder fashion he didn't leave out a thing, including what she was
wearing. When he finished, she sighed in frustration.

"That's what I remember."

"Well unless we both forgot the same thing, which I think is a very slim
chance, then I don't know what it could be that you have forgotten."

"I guess if it's important it will come back to me."

Mulder suddenly jumped up from the sofa. "Speaking of forgetting things,
I got us some videos. They're in the car."

When he returned, she had made herself more comfortable, with a small
rug draped over her legs, and one behind her head.

"I got two chick flicks, and one boy film.  What do you want first?"

"Chick flick," she whispered, smiling when he grimaced. Still, she noted
as he popped it into the video, his version of chick flick was
"Something About Mary".  She raised her eyebrow at him and he said
defensively, "It's about a girl. That classifies it as a chick flick."

Shaking her head at him, she settled down to watch the movie.

Two hours later they were into their second movie. Although it was only
early afternoon, Scully found waves of tiredness washing over her. She
needed a nap, but she couldn't face her bedroom. She'd spent too much
time in there lately. Besides, she was enjoying Mulder's presence. It
was comforting and very familiar. Like she was experiencing a long
episode of déjà vu.

Yawning widely she turned her bleary eyes to him. "I need a nap."

"Do you want me to go?" he asked, disappointment clear in his eyes.

She shook her head, and he smiled slightly.

"I might sleep here. Just doze." She paused. "I need to put my head up
there," she said, indicating his end of the sofa. "I can't lie on my
right side."

Instead of moving, he pulled the light rug off her legs, and folding it
loosely, placed it on his lap.  "Here's your pillow then," he said,
patting his lap tentatively.

She sat there, compelled by his offer. She caught his eyes, and was
transfixed by the mute appeal she saw in them. He seemed nervous of her
answer. She knew just how he felt. Why did this seem so important?

"I won't bite," he said softly. "Not unless you want me to."

She chuckled slightly, relieved that he had lightened the moment.

Gingerly, so as not to hurt her ribs, she lay down so her head rested on
his legs.  He pulled the other rug that had fallen down behind her and
draped it over her, and then turned the sound on the TV lower.

She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. So familiar. So important
to her.  She brought her hand up and slid it under the rug so it rested
on his leg. She felt his thigh muscles twitch and then relax.

Mulder looked down at her bright red hair flaring out against the cream
rug. Holding his breath he reached out and placed a hand softly on her
head. "Comfortable Scully?"

She nodded. Emboldened, he started stroking her hair.  She sighed softly
and his stomach clenched. This was probably the most intimate contact
they had ever had, if he excluded desperate hugs in stressful
situations.  He felt her fingers grip his thigh slightly, and feeling
braver, he ran his index finger down the side of her face. Her cheek
felt soft and downy. His whole being focussed on the feeling of her skin
under his finger.

Mulder's heart was pounding and his mind racing as he continued trailing
his finger over her cheek, nose and temple.  He'd always told himself
that he would know when she was ready. That he could read her signs.
God knows he'd been able to read her signs saying 'Turn back here'.

But now he wasn't so sure. Was this a sign?  She was letting him stroke
her face, something he was sure she wouldn't have allowed only weeks
ago.  What had changed?  Sure, they'd been in another dangerous
situation, however this was nothing new for them. But had this time been
the last straw?

He felt her shift under his fingers, and she grimaced as she twisted
around so that the back of head was against his leg, and her face turned
up to him.  He held his hand over her, uncertain whether to continue his
caresses.  Scully opened her eyes and he blushed, realizing how
ridiculous he must look with his hand floating inches above her face.

She reached up and took his hand, placing it gently back on her cheek,
and then closed her eyes again.

He let out the breath he had been holding.  Okay, *that* was a sign.

Elated, he stroked her cheek and traced her jawline with his fingers.
Her lips. He wanted to touch her lips. Slowly he ran his finger from the
middle of her forehead, down her nose until it rested on the indent
under her nose. Carefully he traced around the outside of her lips, and
then, finally, across the full, pink flesh. He almost groaned aloud at
the hot flash of arousal that passed through him.  His eyes fell closed.
He wanted to block out all senses, so he could concentrate only on his
sense of touch.

Scully shivered slightly as he ran his finger lightly across her lips.
She couldn't get an image out of head. It was an image that had been
haunting her ever since she'd left the hospital. Her and Mulder, in his
bed, making love. It was just a flash, him bending over and whispering
"I love you" in her ear. She didn't know where this had come from. She'd
given into her sexual feelings about Mulder many years ago, and had
indulged in a number of steamy fantasies about him. But she'd kept her
fantasies about sex. They were never about love.  The thought of loving
Mulder had always terrified her.

And that's when it hit her.

The thought no longer terrified her.

She loved him, and she was no longer afraid of that. She almost laughed
aloud at the realization.

"What's so funny Scully?" he asked huskily. "What are you smiling
about?"

Opening her eyes she saw him staring down at her, eyes filled with
respect, compassion, friendship and tenderness. All the emotions that
made up love. Why hadn't she seen it before?

"I just remembered what I'd forgotten," she responded, her voice husky
for reasons other than her sore throat.

"What was it?"

Struggling, she sat up so her face was level with his.  Leaning forward,
she pressed her lips softly against his.

When she drew back, he smiled goofily and brushed a stray hair away from
her face. Without saying a work, she lay back with her head in his lap,
and closed her eyes.

It was just a small kiss, but it would do for now. Small actions often
had big consequences, and she was sure that this consequence would be
worth waiting for.


THE END