From: Kelly E Youse Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1999 19:02:38 -0500 Subject: NEW: Oh Darlin' (1/?) MSR Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be. Dedication: Thanks again to Jaime Lyn for her inspired comments and beta reading--you're a sweetie! Title: Oh, Darlin (1/?) Author: Kelly E. Youse Classifications: SAR Rating: R Spoilers: None Archive: Sure :) Mulder/Scully romance Summary: Mulder attempts to relieve his loneliness, but Scully reacts differently than he expects Oh, Darlin by: Kelly E. Youse (kellyyouse@prodigy.net) Mulder sat at his desk, slowly gulping the last of the water from a small plastic bottle. He stared at the clock, blurry with the haze of a late night, and cursed himself for deciding to stay in the office past midnight. He dropped his gaze to the desk surface and toppled the bottle to its side, causing a hollow clacking noise. At the sound, Scully glanced in his direction, shaking her head. By now, Mulder had taken a pencil and begun twirling the bottle in uneven circles across his desk, a sight which faintly amused her, only because of the numbness through her body from the unending hours of sitting doing paperwork. She chewed the end of a pen and ventured to ask, "Having fun?" "Certainly," he drawled, forcing the bottle into a quick spin. "It's almost as enjoyable as cleaning out my refrigerator." Scully looked toward him, saying, "With the organisms forming in your refrigerator, it's no wonder the thing can't clean itself out." "Organisms, Scully? You're turning me on." Scully let out a quiet laugh, then returned to the files on her desk. She could do nothing more than stare at them. At this hour, she just didn't have the energy for much else. Besides, all she really wanted to do was go home. She stood at her desk and stretched, saying in the midst of a yawn, "Mulder." Mulder stared at the bottle on his desk, his chin resting in his hands. Scully walked to Mulder and put her hand on his shoulder to stir him from whatever he was contemplating. "Mulder, I'm going--" "Scully?" She sighed, facing him, "Yeah, Mulder?" He tapped his leg up and down and bit his lower lip, wondering if he should ask. Ah, what the hell. He never kept his mouth shut--why start now? "Did you ever play spin-the-bottle?" Scully moved her hand away from him. "Excuse me?" Mulder turned around in his chair to face her but transfixed his eyes on the floor. "You know--spin-the-bottle, the kissing game." He suddenly regretted this peculiar conversation, but since he'd already let the question slip, wondered how she would answer. She smiled. "I know what it is." "So you've played?" "Yes." Scully turned towards the door, but Mulder's hand on hers stopped her, pulling her back. He levelled his gaze at her. "I haven't." "Mulder, you're not suggesting. . ." She didn't need to finish her question. The look in his eyes was enough and the grin spreading across his face answered her. She bit her lower lip and smiled, thinking that she could have a little fun with him here, tease him a little and then go home and relax in a nice hot bath. "What's the matter, Mulder--adult video store closed tonight?" "I didn't mean it as a proposition." He relaxed his hold on her hand and gave a quick smile. "I was just sharing." He pursed his lips together and decided to turn the tables on her. "You always say that we never really talk." "Okay, then." She leaned against the side of his desk, not one to resist an apparent challenge. "Let's talk." "Okay, now I do have a proposition." He tilted his head and smiled, meeting her challenge. "Do I really want to know this?" She shook her head and moved for the door, but Mulder tightened his grip on her. "Let's make a deal," he said, then spun the bottle with his free hand. When it came to rest in a soft clink, he continued, "If it points at me, you get to ask me whatever question you want and the same for me if it points at you." A smirk spread across his face at his next thought. "And--" She cut him off. "What if I don't want to answer?" All she wanted was a hot bath and some sleep. There had to be some way out of his silly game. Though with that tilted grin he wore and his waggling eyebrows, she had a feeling she wouldn't get off easy. "That's not an option." She stretched her neck and released a sigh. "Are you suffering from sleep deprivation?" "Are you afraid?" She pulled her hand away from him and looked toward the door. "I'm not afraid of anything." She couldn't decide what would be more difficult-- revealing the answer to some possibly intimate question that he might ask or encountering this request day after day for the next few years. "One turn each, Mulder." She swallowed and let out a deep breath. "Then, I just want to go home." Dear God, did she want to get home. "Okay, me first," he said with a childish grin of pleasure. He pinged the end of the bottle with two fingers and watched as its spins slowed, eventually leaving the bottleneck aiming at Scully. "Hmmm," he drawled with a smile. "What shall I ask?" She rolled her eyes in warning. "Make it quick, please." "If you could be in a movie, which one would it be?" Thank God. "Star Wars." Mulder laughed. "I can't picture you with the Princess Leia ear braids." "Who said anything about Princess Leia?" She folded her arms across her chest. He imitated her stance and added a smirk for good measure. "Well, I like to think of myself as the Han Solo type." "I don't know, Mulder." She returned his grin with one of equal force. "I think of you more as C3PO." "I guess that would make you R2D2, then?" She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Let's just get this overwith." She slapped the bottle with the back of her fingers, only to have it pointing at her again. "Great. Well, go ahead," she said, glancing at her watch. It was already 12:30am. She'd be lucky not to fall asleep in the bathtub at home. "Okay," Mulder said, "let's make this a good one." He stared at the bottle, twisting his mouth in thought. After a minute, he raised his head to Scully, capturing her gaze. "Do you want to kiss me?" "What?" Her reaction occurred a little faster than she would have hoped. He kept his gaze fixated on her. "Do you want to kiss me?" Then, with a smile, he added, "You don't have to be afraid to answer." She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not afraid." "So why is your face bright red?" She turned to face him, annoyed at her own body for revealing her nervousness. "You know, Mulder, I didn't want to play in the first place." Curious about his motives, she bit her lower lip to refrain from saying anything that might embarass herself further. She couldn't answer that question. Not without opening a pandora's box. Mulder twirled the bottle, and it pointed toward Scully. "Haven't you ever thought about it, at least?" She sighed. There were some things he didn't need to know. "I'm going home." "It's pointing at you." A smile crept across his face. "Answer--you know the rules." Her sigh became a groan of displeasure. "I'm going home." "It's a simple question, Scully." He ran his fingertips across the length of the bottle, circling the opening several times. "I mean, all you have to do is state what I already know." He didn't just say that. He couldn't have. She raised an eyebrow at him and tried to rein in the emotion exploding in her veins. "How could you be so presumptuous to think--" No. She would not give him the satisfaction any longer. Enunciating each word, she said, "I'm going home." He toyed with the end of his tie and watched her angered face turn away from him. He bit his lower lip in a vain attempt to keep his mouth shut this time. He should just let her go home as she wished, away from his no doubt annoying conversation, but the words spilled out anyway. "I've thought about it, you know." Oh God. She'd almost been safe. One hand held the doorknob, one foot fell carefully out the doorway. She could have walked away, pushed all the thoughts he'd invoked aside and gone to sleep. She'd done it before. It would have worked. Then he spoke. She closed her eyes and cursed God for giving men voices. Why did he have to say that? "Look, Mulder," she said, turning to face him and expecting his usual smug look of entertainment. But what she saw was entirely different. His earlier smile had collapsed along with his eyes. His hands fell into his lap, and he released a staccato breath. "I'm sorry, Scully. I guess I should go home." Something wasn't right here. She knew Mulder too well. Playful flirtation was the core of his soul. Something had to be seriously wrong for him to say something so intimate without the hint of a smile. When he moved past her, she caught his arm. "You all right?" His eyes danced across her face before locking onto her eyes. His voice was barely a whisper. "Don't you ever feel alone?" She studied his face, suddenly tired-looking, his eyes sunken and his mouth expressionless. "What brought this on?" He shook his head. "I don't know. I just got to thinking that all I do, that all I have are the X-Files, this office--" "Don't forget about Skinner." That elicited a smile, but not the exuberant one she wanted. "I go home," he said, shrugging his shoulders, "and what do I have? An empty apartment, a few fish, and dishes in the sink. But no warmth, no life." He lifted his face to her. "What does any of it mean, Scully?" "Mulder, come here." She pulled him into her arms. Of course she felt alone. But who didn't feel that way now and then? In fact, her entire relationship with Mulder made her feel alone; if she went out with anyone, she felt guilty, yet with him, she knew nothing could ever happen. She caressed his back and felt his arms slide around her shoulders. "Everyone feels alone." "Not when I'm with you," he whispered against her ear. "Never with you." His mouth hovered at her ear, sending her nerve endings on a wild flutter. She had to get his attention soon. "Mulder," she said in a breath. "It's okay. I'll take you home--come on." But it was too late. Mulder's lips brushed across her ear tentatively, then down her neck where he pressed his lips against her pulse. Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. Her heartbeat and thoughts went into overdrive. Think clearly, she told herself, and don't embarass him while he's vulnerable. "Mulder, do you want to talk? We could go back to my place, have some coffee--" His hand trailed up her back to her neck where his fingertips danced across her skin. "You feel so warm." He trailed kisses across her jawline to the curve of her chin. She closed her eyes. "This can't happen," she started to explain, intending her voice to be a matter of fact, standard, everyday speaking tone, but his proximity locked her throat. The intensity scared the hell out of her. His hand slid into her hair, tangling itself there. Her thoughts spun violently as Mulder's lips continued trailing across her chin, her cheeks, her forehead. They had shared intimate moments before--holding hands and each other, kissing foreheads, whispering sympathies. But never to this degree. . .never this long, and never this close. His hand at her lower back pulled her against him, her body's curves meeting his rigid muscles. Dear Lord, what he was doing scared her. But even worse, her own body, flooding with warmth, scared her. She lost herself in the sensations, exhaustion-induced vulnerability weakening her body and thought processes, and yet enhancing every current of heat from his body. "Mulder," she said. God, she couldn't even hear herself anymore. He raised his hand to her mouth, stopping her words. "Just let go. For once, Scully." He traced her mouth with his fingers, then slid his hand across her face to her neck. He kissed the corner of her mouth. Her heart pounded. Every muscle in her body flamed and her skin tingled wherever he touched her. "Don't do something we'll regret," she said. Their lips brushed together as she spoke. He pulled back, capturing her eyes with his. "I could never regret something like this with you." Then, his eyes drifting toward her mouth, he leaned his face toward hers, but she planted her hand against his chest and pushed back from him. "Scully?" She backed out the doorway. "I'm sorry," she said, "I can't." With that she turned and ran down the hall. Mulder leaned back against the doorway and hated himself. ----- END Oh Darlin (2/2) Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be. Dedication: Jaime Lyn is the sweetest, most dedicated editor a girl could know--thanks sweetie! Notes: Just in case anyone's wondering, I got the title from a Beatles song on the "Abbey Road" album; I was listening to it one day, and it made me think of Mulder and Scully, especially the lyrics "Oh darlin, if you leave me, I'll never make it alone." Title: Oh, Darlin (2/2) Classifications: SAR Rating: R Mulder/Scully romance Summary: Mulder attempts to relieve his loneliness, bringing out emotions Scully isn't ready to handle Oh, Darlin by: Kelly E. Youse (kellyyouse@prodigy.net) In the previous chapter. . . >Her heart pounded. Every muscle in her body flamed and her skin tingled >wherever he touched her. "Don't do something we'll regret," she said. >Their lips brushed together as she spoke. >He pulled back, capturing her eyes with his. "I could never regret >something like this with you." Then, his eyes drifting toward her mouth, he >leaned his face toward hers, but she planted her hand against his chest and >pushed back from him. "Scully?" >She backed out the doorway. "I'm sorry," she said, "I can't." With that >she turned and ran down the hall. >Mulder leaned back against the doorway and hated himself. * * * When Scully got home, she ran straight to her room, throwing herself face-down on the bed. She breathed in the familiar pleasant scent of her pillows, in a vain attempt to relieve the tightness through her body. For the entire half-hour drive home, her skin felt raw and every muscle flamed with tension, or maybe they flamed with something else. What the hell did it matter, anyway? Any residual feelings she held were the result of natural biological functions related to stimulation of sensory organs. It had nothing to do with the fact that it was Mulder that stimulated her sensory organs. In fact, what Mulder did tonight went beyond all reason, even beyond the infintesmal reaches of his own mind. God, she could kill him with her own hands for eliciting these damn conflicts raging in her mind. Should she feel sorry for him and forget the whole scene happened? Or, should she shove bamboo shoots up his fingernails, staple his eyelids open, and castrate him? Decisions, decisions. . . Still, she couldn't forget the sensations that drove through her body when he did that thing. . .that thing he did with his. . .that thing. . . For Christ's sake, he tried to kiss her, and she couldn't even admit it. Hell, he did more than try, when she thought back. His mouth touched every inch of exposed skin from her neck upwards. And for one brief second, his lips landed on the corner of her mouth, so soft. . .much softer than she imagined. She never felt so warm, as if her body liquified in a pool at his feet. That bastard. She got out of bed and paced the room. He stirred feelings in her she'd managed to control up to this point. She certainly wasn't dumb enough to deny an attraction to Mulder--any woman in her right mind would have to find the man attractive; but they were federal agents and had to maintain dignified characters. She wasn't going to fawn over him like the squeaky-voiced Quantico students when they passed through the academy. He just had one of those faces, she supposed. So soft and sweet like a little boy, but with dark, sad eyes that have seen more pain than anyone deserves. Bastard! That was precisely the problem. He lowered those dark, sad eyes onto her face tonight all for the purpose of using her to relieve his own pathetic loneliness. And the thing was, it almost worked. She let him stroke her back, let him touch her face, let him kiss her neck and ears because she gave into that pathetic loneliness of his, because he manipulated her, because, because. . . Because it was the most incredible sensation she felt in years. She sat on her bed and slammed the mattress a few times with her fists. Damn him. And damn him to hell for eternity if that was him knocking at her door. Damn herself to hell for giving him the set of keys that she heard twisting in the lock. She reached over to her CD player and turned it up to full blast. He appeared in the doorway of her bedroom, shifting from foot to foot. He was desperate to say something to her, so he just spoke. "Abbey Road-- that's a good album." She paced around her room, stuffing clothes in drawers before pulling down her blanket like Mulder didn't exist. At that point, he didn't exist to her. She refused to look at him as if that would somehow make him disappear. Remembering his comment about the album, she sat on the edge of her bed and leaned to the nightstand to turn the CD player off, just to bother him more. "Don't," he whispered. He placed his hand above hers on the radio, barely registering her warm skin. He smiled and commented, "You can't turn it off before a classic like 'Octopus' Garden.'" "Damn it, Mulder." She yanked her hand from him and darted up off the bed. "Everything's a joke to you." "And everything's so goddamn serious to you." "There are times that call for maturity--you are aware of that word?" She ran around the side of the bed, knocking into him as she passed. "Maturity? You ran away from me tonight, Scully." She stopped in front of the closet and turned around, narrowing her eyes at him. "You humiliated me." "Humiliated you?" "That, that, that--" she growled. "That game. That stupid goddamn game." She held in sobs constricting her throat. "You were using me." She didn't think that was really true, but she hated the feelings he stirred in her. She'd kept them reigned in for so long, so successfully building that wall. He couldn't bring it down like that, not when she wasn't ready. "You get a little lonely, so you think you can just take advantage of our working relationship and relieve your frustrations." "I don't get it, Scully. All you had to do tonight was walk away, but you didn't, at least not until--" His voice crackled from deep in his throat. "I mean, what are you really so angry about?" He leveled his gaze at her. "That you wanted that to happen as much as I did?" "How can I answer that question?" She didn't want to consider that question at all. She shouldn't have to. She turned away from him and opened the closet door, not really needing anything, but desperate to keep moving. Her eyes burned, so she squeezed them shut, then opened them. "After what you did," she continued. "For Christ's sake, Scully, nothing even happened!" "Nothing? Mulder, you kissed me!" "Kissed you? Our mouths never touched. Jesus, has it been so long for you that you can't even tell anymore?" "Fuck you, Mulder, I--" Her body stilled, but she refused to look at him. "No, I'm not even dignifying that with a response." She reached for a pillow on the top shelf, pushing up on her toes to get it, but her fingers only grazed the edge. "Son of a bitch." He came up behind her, his fingers coming to graze across her outstretched hand when he grasped the pillow. "I wasn't planning tonight," he whispered, pulling the pillow down in front of her. "I'd never take advantage of you like that." She stilled, feeling his hips press into the small of her back. "How do I know you're not lying?" "Because you know me." He let the pillow drop on the floor in front of her and set his hands on her shoulders. "When have I ever lied to you?" She sighed, sitting on her bed and looking away from him. "Do you want details or just a quick rundown?" Sitting down next to her, he let a smile begin at one corner of his mouth and turned her around to face him, hoping to find the same smile on her lips. When he didn't, he laughed a little hoping to make her do the same and pulled her against his chest. "So, are we okay now?" He rested his chin on her head. "Is that an apology?" she asked, pulling away from him. He ran his finger along her face, pushing her hair behind her ear. "Of course," he whispered. He stroked the length of her hair from the top of her head to her neck. "But I still want to talk." He looked down at her eyes and smiled, and felt her moving away from him. He organized in his mind what he wanted to say to her, but as he opened his mouth to speak, her hand met his face with one quick jolt. The sting scattered across his cheek instantly. "You son of a bitch!" Her voice bellowed from the depths of her throat. She darted from the bed and paced the room. "'Are we okay now?' You call that a goddamn apology?" Mulder threw his hand to his face and squeezed his eyes shut. "Jesus, Scully, what the hell do you want me to do?" She twisted around and narrowed her eyes at him. "Be a fucking adult." "Adult?" He bolted upright and lunged towards her. "Where do you get off telling me to act like an adult?" He lowered his voice to a whisper. "You're the one in denial here." Scully froze in place and stared into his eyes, no more than an inch from hers. Her teeth gritted, she said, "Get the hell away from me." His eyes ran over her face, red with anger, the corners of her mouth twitching. Her lips were full and pressed together, the lower one protruding in that ticked-off pout she often got when fighting with him. The same pout made his anger dissipate into excitement. He acted on impulse and kissed her, then pulled away. She moved her lips to speak, but no words came from her mouth. Dana Scully speechless. He'd have to remember to do this more often. Actually, he thought he'd try it once more. He leaned into her, waiting for her to run away again, but she stood defiantly, her arms crossed over her chest, but still a shade of confusion brandished her blushing skin. He brushed his lips against her once more, grabbing her wrists to pry her arms' makeshift barrier from her body. He held her arms at her sides, gazing into her charmed eyes and finally pressed his mouth against hers with no more teasing, no more testing, but with full intent. He captured her lower lip between his and suckled it for a moment, tasting her skin. Then he felt her moving. Kissing him back. Holy shit. He never actually expected it so soon, but he felt the pressure of her lips closing around his and even the tip of her tongue tickle his upper lip briefly. He pulled away and composed himself. Her eyes fell on his mouth and her lips trembled. "I thought I told you to get away from me." "I don't see you moving, which you're free to do." He ran his now trembling hand down her face to her neck and drew small circles behind her ear with his thumb. "You were free to walk away all along, but you didn't, did you?" "You can't do this to me." He whispered into her ear, "What am I doing to you?" She closed her eyes. What he was doing to her was the last thing she wanted him to know right now. She certainly knew what she should do to him--slap him and physically escort him out of her apartment. But that wasn't what she wanted to do to him. Not at all. She let out a shaky breath. His hand ran from her neck down the length of her back and paused at her waist. In one swift move, he pulled her against him. "Tell me what I'm doing to you," he again whispered. Damn him. She didn't want to speak, or think, or care. Instead, she forced her hands under his shirt and dug her nails into his lower back, dragging them to his sides. "You really want to know?" she asked. She pushed his shirt up, revealing his stomach, then slid down his body, feeling his grip on her back loosen. She left a random trail of kisses over his skin until he backed away from her. Her eyes wandered to his face only to find an expression of confusion. "This is what you do to me," she managed. "Let's just stop right now," Mulder said. He gripped her sagging shoulders. "Something's wrong--we need to talk about this." He slipped his hands under her arms and sat on her bed, pulling her to the space next to him. But she wouldn't comply. "Why talk? You didn't want to talk earlier." She straddled his legs then seized his face in her hands and kissed him hard. The sobs she'd held in slipped out one by one in pants against his mouth. Her lips forced his apart for a moment then eased away. With labored breath, she said, "Is this what you want? Because I can do meaningless sex." "Scully, what's going on?" He tried moving away from her, but her knees locked in position around his hips. She pulled her t-shirt over her head. "I can be just another one of your videos." She heard him calling her name, asking her to stop, telling her she was worrying him, but she was tired of listening. Pushing his back against the mattress, she rested her hands on either side of him. Her voice grew shaky, and her eyes reddened with tears. "I don't have to mean one goddamn thing to you." Mulder watched the scene play out before him, her tears slowly falling from her face to his, and he didn't know what to do. He reached out to caress her face, but she pulled away from him and curled into a ball on the other side of the bed, her body heaving with the sounds of her crying. He sat up, pressing his face into his hands and suddenly hated himself for everything he ever put her through. He gazed at her shuddering form and tentatively placed his hand on her naked back. "Get the hell away from me," she said. She jerked her body away from his hand, but felt his warmth follow her bare skin anyway. "Nothing between us could ever be meaningless." He drew circles against her bare skin and continued. "You're my life." His voice choked. "I told you to fuck off." "I'm not going anywhere--I'm not leaving you." His fingertips grazed her back so lightly, he could feel the fine sheen of hair over her skin. "Don't you know that?" He waited for her reaction for a moment, but noticed she didn't respond. "Scully?" He whispered her name once more and craned his neck downwards to find her eyes closed and chin against her chest. She'd fallen asleep. He didn't want to disturb her, so he gently laid back on the bed, next to her. He figured he'd stay for an hour or two until he was certain she was sound asleep and unlikely to be roused by any of his movements. "I'm sorry, Scully," he breathed into her hair before closing his own eyes. * * * Mulder woke up the next morning with Scully's back pressed against his chest, their legs intertwined. Her face was burrowed into a pillow, so he couldn't tell if she was asleep or not. He knew she wouldn't want to see him when she woke up. He tried moving away from her to get out of bed, but her legs tightened around his. "I know you're here," she whispered. "And I'm glad you stayed because--" "Scully--" "Let me finish." She tried turning around but couldn't face him after what happened last night. "I said and did a lot of things I shouldn't have." She glanced down at her naked chest and pulled the blanket up to cover herself. "The truth is, Mulder, I can't do what I said." She swallowed and squeezed her eyes shut. "And it's the last thing I want you of all people to think of me." She took a breath and tried to muster the strength to say one more thing, what she needed to say the most--what she should have said when this all exploded last night. "Because you mean everything to me." He set his hand against her back and rubbed it. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I never wanted to have sex with you last night." He felt her shiver and pull back from him, so he leaned close to her ear, kissed it and continued. "I wanted to make love to you." He placed his fingers under her chin and tilted her face towards him. "That's all I ever wanted. You see, Scully, I'm lonely sometimes because you're not there--I wasn't trying to use you because I was lonely." He gathered her in his arms and held her. "What are we going to do?" "I don't know Mulder." She buried her face in his neck. "But I don't think that matters anymore." ----- END There you have it, ladies and gentlemen! I hope you like Part 2, and I appreciate all the feedback I've received for part 1. If you have any comments, don't hesitate to write! Kelly (kellyyouse@prodigy.net)